To follow on from our last conversation about Fear, I feel it's pertinent to delve somewhat into one of its many tributaries — that of our Barriers to Success (limiting patterns of behaviour)...
Why is it that true Abundance so often eludes us? What is it that prevents us from doing the things we dream of or that we'd really like to do? Why do most of us settle for second best, when our intuition is telling us that we could achieve so much more? For what reason do we so often chicken out at the last minute (like leaving our spouse-to-be standing at the altar, or failing to sign off on that great business venture)? What causes some of us to recoil at the thought of a certain action which others have absolutely no qualms with?
As I see it, the answers to all of these questions — and many more like them — lie in one aspect of our psyche: our unconscious barriers ; those multitudes of stories that we've authored for ourselves for every conceivable event or circumstance... And yet for the most part, we aren't even aware that these 'stories' exist, mush less how to find a solution!
Kari, I believe you have one or two examples to share which illustrate our barriers to success very well...
Great follow up, Guy! And a very important one, too!
We all want Success in our life – at least in theory... And yet, so difficult to reach...
Yes, I do have examples to share, from my own practice as a Kinesiologist. As you know, Kinesiology is all about what's going in our subconscious and unconscious mind, and wow, what stories people got, totally unaware that they rule their lives.
I come to think of a young woman with allergies, lots of them! We managed to get rid of them and she had 4-5 good years. She met a man and they had kids. Then the allergy came back... Huge problems!
The story was that ever since she was very little, she took upon herself the responsibility of making her mother happy. That was a big job for a little girl but she did her very best. Then she got allergies. To such a degree that she was in and out of hospital, and she was dependent on medicine. What she realized was that every time she had allergic symptoms, she received attention. She was taken care of. For many years she had this problem, until we finally get rid of it with Kinesiology.
So why did it come back? She had kids of her own, she had to put herself aside to take care of her children, and be a good wife. Her unconscious mind realized she was in nearly the same situation as when she was a child and already had the solution. It worked then, it can work now. And allergy was the answer.
When knowing that, it's easy to change these habits. Not by conscious willpower, because again, it's only 5% effect. But by teaching the nervous system to create other possibilities.
And another example, this time a man. He was struggling with the fact that every time things started looking good, something happened that put a stop to it. He got a good job, then the company went down, and he had to go. He met a woman and fell in love, then he lost her. He started to work out to get fit, then he broke his leg... Whenever he was flush and had some security, something happened, like the car broke down or he got a major tax claim.
He felt very lost and couldn't understand why it was like this. So we started to work on it and we discovered that deep in his unconscious mind there was a belief that his had to adjust to other peoples wishes and dreams and let go of his own... He could remember how often he heard as a child, that he was a selfish boy and that he should be ashamed of himself. He was told that whenever he got something, somebody else lost something, usually another family member... That was so scary for him that he stopped wanting things. Yes, in his conscious mind, he wanted a good and steady job, a wife and a family, everything that makes life good. But he realized that wasn't his to begin with, it was what was expected... And every time he was on his way to succeed, he unconsciously spoiled it by the way he acted. He was absolutely unaware of it.
We worked on it and he realized he had other dreams and wanted to go in a completely different direction. Last time I heard from this man, he lived a very good life.
The power of our mind is just astounding! It actually controls everything, and that our body and our environment just answer to what is created in our unconscious mind. We can make plans, we can dream, we can work hard to reach the goal we set for ourselves, if it's not our own, it doesn't work... At one time or another, it will fail.
Most people are not even aware of the fact that what they believe they want in life isn't theirs at all. They're just raised like that. Parents wanted that for them or society expect it. Their partners expect it...
The first step to Succeed and live in a life of Abundance, is to realize what it really means for each of us. Just by noticing, reading this, what we think of as Success and Abundance, and consider why... Be curious of what's going on, what do you feel when thinking about it? Does it make you happy and light-hearted or is it a serious job without any fun at all. Who owns it?
Wonderful examples of how we allow our stories to rule our lives, our health and even our well-being, Kari! It's those stories that we adapt and build upon throughout our lives, completely oblivious that we're even doing so. In fact we're our own worst enemies in this respect, because we suppress so much of our true potential simply by playing along with these stories. And yet we are entirely capable of turning these stories to our advantage, through observation, and indeed rewriting them from scratch!
Now Kari, simply because you and I have immersed our lives in the world of Metaphysics and that our calling is to assist others to discover their own potential, doesn't mean we're immune to a whole set of unconscious barriers to success ourselves! We're as human as the next person, after all... My greatest challenge, for example, is this little voice that keeps trying to tell me that I wasn't meant to become wealthy, or succeed in business — a story passed on to me as a child by my father, who always maintained that us McGowans just don't have what it takes.
So yes, I might not have achieved my fullest potential by any means, yet I'm a proficient observer of my Way of Being and I know that to be abundant, I have to BE Abundant, not in desire, but in belief... I also understand that where I seek to be lies in what I don't know that I don't know... And yet, my obstacles and challenges continue to show up! Well it's a process which requires vigilance and perseverance. They say "life's a journey," yet if you're not prepared to commit yourself 100% (and I mean ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!) to seeing the journey through to its destination, then what's the point in starting out to begin with?
Ontology looks to one's Way of Being to establish where the roots of all our barriers to success reside. Although a series of processes like the PowaForce Forum takes trainees to a place of transformation where they are equipped with all of the tools they require in order to tap into that vast reservoir of barely realised potential, it is possible to start that ball rolling oneself.
During my personal coaching sessions, I usually advise people (well, more like homework I guess) to start by observing their patterns of thought — what's working for them and what's not — and writing down these observations in a journal. This way one gets to establish, in hard copy, a kind of map of one's world — and in particular, where those nasty Barriers to Success lie hidden.
Thereafter, one is able to 'join the dots' more clearly between the events we experienced in childhood (and the emotions and interpretations surrounding those events) which led us to create this multitude of stories about ourselves, and those same emotional experiences recreated as an adult which turn crop up from time to time to interrupt or prevent our progress in striving for Abundance.
I wish to stress here — and I'm sure you'll agree, Kari — that doing this alone is extremely difficult (if not impossible), no matter how many self-help books you might read, or motivational talks you attend... What's required is an experiential, transformational process; in other words the practice, rather than the theory.
Think about this analogy: You've never driven an automobile before and wish to become a capable driver as soon as possible... Two scenarios: A) I sit you down, give you an comprehensive driver's aid and explain how to drive a car... B) I sit you behind the wheel of a car and coach you through the essentials and off we drive. Now seriously — do I need to spell it out anymore? Which scenario will see you becoming the more proficient driver, in the shortest time? Life just isn't a simulator or PS3 game — it's real and the only way to learn is experientially!
Yes, life is a journey — and I believe it should be like cruising down the boulevard on a balmy evening with the top down (in a cabriolet you drive proficiently, of course!)... Enjoyable! Blissful! Abundant!
Great picture, Guy!
Yeah, any transformation has to come from within, there is no other way. Anything else is just theory. And the only way to transform is to go outside of our comfort zone... Not an easy step to take, and often we end up being pushed out there by circumstances that seem out of our control! And still, is it...?
Every choice we make has consequences and creates potentials. We tend to forget that, and it's understandable because usually we're not even aware that we choose. But we do, every second of the day. What do I choose to think, what do I choose to eat, how do I choose to react. Why did I get angry now and why do I still work in a place I don't like.
I remember when I first started to learn Kinesiology, my teacher asked why I had chosen it. I told her that I finally, after 20 years, had the opportunity to do it. "I`ve always wanted to learn this magnificent tool, but my life situation prevent me from doing so," I told her. She nodded her head and didn`t say anything. On the last day, when we were about to finish, she asked me if I remembered what I said. "The only one to blame for not learning Kinesiology 20 years ago, if that was what you wanted, is you," she said. "You could just as easily have made that choice back then.." Man, did I get angry. I didn't say anything, I'm usually quite polite, but I did say a lot in my mind! "You don't know anything! You have no idea how the circumstances of my life were back then!!! I could absolutely NOT have made this choice even if I wanted to! It wasn't my fault!!!"
We laugh of it today. Of course it was my fault! Or better yet, it wasn't a fault at all, it was a choice. And through that choice I kept all the circumstances I believed I didn't want... And why? Because I wasn't aware of what was going on, it wasn't my fault... I sacrificed the acknowledge of who I am, and adjusted to whatever other people thought me to be.
I am not alone in this! Every day I meet people saying that they're not so important. As long as everybody is happy, it's ok... It's so normal that we don't even think about it. We even talk about these amazing people, never thinking of themselves, always looking to make other people's lives better...
So yes, my leading obstacle is that I've always felt other people are much more important than me. I learned, in my early childhood, that my work was to make people happy, no matter what the cost was. So now, coming this far in life and Enlightenment, I have no problem seeing how I have created my whole life through that assumption. And it's also obvious how life showed me my issue, through every single person that made me feel that way. And they were everywhere...
So that's the beauty of life. We stay in unpleasant relationships, jobs, friendships, life-situations, far too long. No matter how bad we feel, how trapped we might feel, we hold on to it. Because it's familiar. We know how to deal with it. Maybe not a happy life, but not so bad either...
The day we start to realize that we all have the power to transform our life into whatever we want, be grateful for every obstacle and go within to find choices that bring out our fullest potential, that's when we start living a life in Abundance! In all levels of what abundance means to each and every one of us. Physically, mentally and emotionally! And you're right, the beauty of humans is that whatever obstacles we have, other humans will show us. And we need other people to understand what's going on in order to know what to do with it!
We can not unlearn anything! Every time we take a step towards better self-understanding, we learn something we will never forget. Even if we do so consciously, remember, that's only 5 %! We change our unconscious habits, and through that we create a new life.
And best of all, we don't even have to figure out how! We just have to BE in the moment. BE aware of what's going on and why. And let go... And know that every time we do that, life gets better and better!