CONVERSATION 8 — INCOMPLETIONS
When speaking about limitations in our previous conversation, Kari, I got to thinking about this 'cancer' which I call our Incompletions. I refer to it as a cancer, because it starts off with one or two seemingly insignificant things, yet over time manifests to become a major problem in our lives. And if you're like me — a procrastinator — then it's particularly problematic!
So what am I talking about? I'll give you one example: mowing the lawn... Now I don't know about Norway, Kari, but in sub-tropical South Africa, the grass grows prolifically in Summer. It needs cutting almost weekly, and if you put it off, it will grow to such an extent that it really starts looking like a jungle and becomes a huge task to get done...
I'll give you another more serious example: I have a friend who is very wealthy. When I met him, he had moved into a new home — a huge place in an affluent area with panoramic sea views etc. He had already been there a year, yet there were so many aspects of his home that were incomplete — electrical wiring exposed in places; bulkheads left open-ended; a spiral staircase to the roof still lying on its side and so on. He and his family seemed imperturbed by this, so I didn't think much of it. I then visited his previous home, which he still owned, that was even more incomplete! I started to observe a pattern...
A while later, I had occasion to do some branding and design consulting for him and found the same kind of scenario — I could almost visualise the "to be completed" posters adorning the walls of his place of work! Nine times out of ten he was late for a meeting (even if he was in the building), because he was playing catch-up, and he would keep job interviewees waiting for an hour or two without seeming to show concern... Now you can begin to see how just the aspect of tardiness has its own domino-effect.
Now, although my friend had lots of money, his incompletions — which had infiltrated almost every aspect of his life — created a host of other limiting patterns of behaviour, which severely affected his true potential. When I mention this domino-effect, I mean that not only was it detrimental to him, but also to those in his sphere of influence; his family and staff...
Money and possessions are illusions of success. Unfortunately so too, because being illusions, they mask such a vast amount of potential from our own conscious realisation!
In isolation, one incompletion is easily remedied, but when they build to such a degree that they become a way of life, they become invisible — unconscious. We become oblivious to these limitations. They become acceptable... Should they be?
Incidentally, I unfortunately never had occasion to work with my friend on his invisible challenges, as we drifted apart and haven't seen each other for a couple of years — perhaps as a result of our combined incompletions!
How does this translate to you in your profession, Kari, when dealing with clients? How do incompletions factor in your experience?
The incompletion issue is most often caused by an unbalanced timeline. Our brain needs to put things into contexts, or boxes, where time is a very important part. The question here is: What is in the context of incompetion, the personal box, if you will, and how does it balance the time you feel at hand? And how does it effect your everyday life, when it, as you say, is full of unfinished business?
I'm always impressed about the way the everyday small actions (maybe they're so small we don't notice them before someone tell us) can be a cover up for very important issues. And it seems so small. "So what if I don't close the kitchen cupboards? Or don't put my mess in the garbage? Or my electric wires hang loose? I'll do it later, when I have the time..."
It seems like such a small thing, but it covers up so much of what's going on in your mind! As you say, suddenly your always in a rush to be on time, it's easy to forget details whether it's in private life or business-related. And all the submodalities connected to this, it really does mask the vast amount of potential, as you said! Because everything we do, no matter how small, is of our own doing. Once something happened that created this pattern, and over the years it develop to an expertise! An unfavorable habit, created of the mind.
So, does all this come from just forgetting to put put the empty bottle in the trash? Or not close doors, fill the car with gas, relying on others to gather all the loose ends and complete? Yes! And what kind of pattern is showing here?
An unbalanced timeline causes you to always be in a rush. Or never... It is very difficult to be able to just BE, as we talk about, simply because an unbalanced timeline will leave you feeling there is never time enough. So, instead of taking this extra few minutes to clean up or to finished what's not finished, you rush to the next project. And as you mentioned in our last conversation, our brain interprets and make it reasonable. So, and I think we all can agree on that — we don't notice our unfinished business until somebody draws our attention to it.
So what is really going on? In order for our brain to interpret what we're experiencing, it needs to be put it in a timeframe. Like your birth was in the past and your retirement is in the future. Or, a task has a starting point, a point where the job is done and a point to finish it all up. In the matter of incompletion, by the time you get to the point of finishing all up, the brain already cleared it out of your mind and rushed into something new.
An unbalanced timeline is also in line when you deal with those people who never seems to be on time. There is always time enough and they leave other people waiting for maybe hours.
And if you ask a person with unbalanced timeline to point at different times, like imagine you're standing on a point outside of yourself and point at the birth of Jesus, your own birth, a birthday in the future... Where is it? Try it, it can be very informative...
The incompletion is about unconscious habits. It can be an inherited habit, like growing up in a family of several members with unbalanced timelines —remember how the brain just downloads information the first 6 years... Or it can come from stress. Simply cover up these feelings of not being good enough, important enough, intelligent enough...
So, we take action in order to confirm that! Every action we take is to confirm who we think we are. Most of the time we don't see it until we get reactions from people around us...
What can you can fill in here, Guy?
Yes, Kari, so the question that begs asking is: How can we address these incompletions and rectify our disturbed timelines?
Well, first-off, the PowaForce Forum works with our incompletions, as well as a host of other barriers we face in life — yet there are ways in which we are able to begin a rudimentary, yet effective, self-coaching process that will deliver results, even though they may not be wholly transformational.
Firstly, it is necessary to establish a pattern — to observe your thinking and actions — in order that you might get some idea of what you're trying to uncover. Remember that most of this we're not even aware exists!
I always advise clients and trainees that the best way to do this is to use the tried-and-trusted method of writing in a journal, because this way you're taking those fleeting thoughts and recording them in black-and-white for future reference.
Now, make a note — as you remember them — of all the things you set out to accomplish, yet never followed through; all the things you wanted to do, yet couldn't because of something else incomplete; of all the things that are mounting up (even if it's the dirty dishes) that just never seem to get done... Whatever it is, however silly it may seem, note it! As you start recording, so more and more stuff will come to mind...
This is good, because just in writing it down, you're taking action, as opposed to storing it away in a box in your mind to be forgotten. In addition, you're releasing all of the small and seemingly insignificant issues that together constitute a major issue.
You end up with what may seem to you like a solid mass of insurmountable incompletions — and whilst this may be true, it's also just an illusion, depending on our interpretation... We unconsciously tend towards collecting all our troubles together as one, so that our mind can simplify things. So we see it as one major problem that has no solution or end.
Not true! What you will see is that once you begin working on one issue; one incompletion at a time (committing yourself to solving just that one problem), you will easily complete it. Cross it off your huge list! Thereafter, you move on to the next incompletion... And the next, and the next... The process becomes easier and easier as you proceed, until you realise that you've eradicated more than half the list — and not adding incompletions to it either!
What you've achieved is changing the unconscious habit of leaving things incomplete and replaced it with a new, progressive habit that leaves you with a feeling of accomplishment. What you've also succeeded in doing is altering your patterns of thought, to one of not being able to achieve, to one of being able to successfully accomplish anything you set out to do.
New thinking, new goals, new actions... Abundance!
Perhaps, Kari, you could share some practical tips of your own, where it comes to redefining timelines?
When focusing on incompletions in order to uncover unfavorable habits and change them to favorable habits, it's amazing how a whole web of explanations and excuses show up. The feeling of not having enough time, not having control, not being able to see all this details that require actions can easily leave you feeling like you're losing. And then we're back to all these illusions of not being good enough, not smart enough, not having enough control...
These illusions are made from the assumptions made from earlier experiences and knowledge. And the habits that we create out of this assumptions, are running through our unconscious mind over and over.
So, what is my practical advise as a Kinesiologist?
Your eyes are directly connected to your nervous system. Whatever you see will be checked up against your internal archive of experiences to reveal any kind of stress, and as soon as there is something there, your brain goes into survival mode. That means repeating old habits, again...!
This is something we can use. When facing a problem with incompletion, you can actually use your eye-modes to change what's going on. If you hold your forehead with one hand and the back of your head with the other, you connect your experiences, the back of your head, with new creative solutions, your frontal lobe or forehead.
The reason is that as soon as you hold with your hands, the blood circulation increases in the brain. Imagine you're following the clock with your eyes, starting on 12, straight up.
Hold this mode while you think of your incompletion until you realize that your mind wanders off to something else. Then you do the same thing at between 1, 2 and 3; between 4, 5 and 6; between 7, 8 and 9; and between 10 and 11, then straight forward and then like you're trying to see what's on the horizon. If you hold every mode as long as it takes, just thinking of your task, when there is no longer stress connected to it, you will start to think of other things. That's when the stress is gone and you're able to focus on other solutions. Remember to hold your the front and back of your head all the time. If you use this regularly to complement the work of making a journal and be aware, so much can be accomplished. To the best for yourself, and for everyone around you...
For our next conversation I would like to extend the task of incompletions a bit further, to incompletions according to our own development. Who is in charge for your development?