CONVERSATION 9 — INCOMPLETIONS RE SELF-DEVELOPMENT
One thing is for sure, Guy, I think I must be the luckiest person on Earth, having the job I have. Every day I'm allowed to follow people on their path of Enlightment. What amazes me, every single day, is what an adventure we all are, and what a vast potential we all have.
Most of my clients come to me because life is hard. Often it has been hard for some time, maybe for years. They have all kinds of symptoms and they've often been in the health system over a long period of time. What happens when you struggle like this, is that you sooner or later end up with feelings like anger, bitterness, no energy, sorrow, loss of control over life, not heard, not being accepted, not being important, dissapointed over how life turned out and the only way to deal with all this is to adapt to the situation.
I had a client, some years ago, a woman with some bad childhood experiences. She had worked with the issues for some time and was now at a point where she didn't have any problem talking about it.
She was angry. With her parents. With her family. With her teachers and people around, not taking action for her when she was a little girl. And she was angry at her stupid husband, he didn't understand... Her sister, well she had a good life...
It was easy to understand this anger, considering what she'd gone through, but did it help her?
Her inner drama was played out to all people around her. At first she met sympathy, after a while people either disappeared or they did something that made her sad and depressed.
We were talking about how this could be a learning experience, and she responded by agreeing with that and stated: "I guess there is something to learn here, but isn't it enough now....?"
I asked her what she felt she had learned and she said that she now understood that she had to go away from all the drama for a while... Then maybe the other persons would start to think for themselves and change...
For me, sitting outside, without any feelings about this, it was easy to see what a tremendous chance she had for self development in this situation. If she would take the responsibility for it! But she had to confront the illusion that she was a victim of circumstances! And confronting illusions is scary! If the truth as we see it, isn't real, then what? Is life a lie?
Who is in charge for your life? In our last conversation we talked about incompletions in our daily life, but what about our own development?
This must be in your line, Guy, as a Transformational Coach! What are your experiences with this?
Ah yes, Kari, there's that age-old assumption that the solutions to all of our problems lie "out there," or that "this person is responsible for me having such a hard life" — the list goes on and on...
Well it's because of these assumptions that we accumulate so many incompletions regarding our self-development. Our ego very conveniently deflects the root-causes away from us, so that we're 'protected' from having to take accountability. And the more we deny this accountability — projecting it 'out there' — the more our issues multiply, so that over long periods of time (in most instances, a lifetime), these incompletions become impossible to even recognise, let alone acknowledge.
Indeed, we do adopt this mantle of being a victim; what I call "Poor Me Syndrome." The first stage, as you mention, Kari, is to gather supporters in your misery — which only serves as adding fuel to the fire... As it becomes more habitual, however, the ego begins to apportion blame and gradually the supporters melt away and all that's left is anger and frustration — Scarcity...
Just like we're delivering a performance in a theatre production, we play the role of 'the Victim' so well. That's because we've practised all our lives and it's what we know best. Do you notice that we're back to 'what we know,' Kari? We've become so comfortable playing that role, that to now change roles; to re-write the script in fact, and step into what we don't know that we don't know, would be unthinkable! The mere mention of the fact that we have to all-of-a-sudden become accountable for completing our incompletions, is enough to raise the barriers and send us running for the hills.
This acknowledgement of accountability is vital though, in order for sustainable change to manifest.
I've seen this in so many instances with trainees on the PowaForce Forum, where the understanding and acknowledgement of these incompletions alone, leads to the unlocking of so much hidden potential! People come with preconceived ideas as to their predicament in life, having perfected the art of deflection. The assumption that by sweeping the dirt under the carpet it will somehow disappear, is one of the greatest misconceptions and limiting patterns of behaviour that we unconsciously adopt. And we think it's normal!
So how do we begin the process of change, Kari? How do we break the mould that keeps us in Scarcity?
The million dollar question, Guy! How do we change something we're not aware of? When it's so obvious that we have all the right in the world to feel miserable! Let the story tell: From early childhood to today, everything that has taken place! And also let the story tell about all the things we have done to get out of the situation! Like one person said to me some time ago: "I plan my life, I have goals! I put my goals into a timeframe and I comfort myself with the fact that at one exact date, my troubles are gone. Then I'm finished dealing with it and life can go on. Until then, I put myself away." What happens? Right before the time it's supposed to be over, something happens that blows it all away and the problems continue!
Who forces this? Is there someone hidden that pulls some strings, laughing impishly, because we don't deserve to be happy for some reason?
We've talked about timelines in an earlier conversation, what happens if we put the time of our destiny, our happiness, the love of our life, abundance, a good night's sleep, weight-loss, the once-in-a-lifetime job... out there? To a time in front of us. Pushing the happiness forward to next day, next week, next month, until all the people making our life miserable understand, regret, maybe even experience some of the same pain, just to understand how they've made you feel... What happens?
You succeed! You get exactly what you're asking for! And yet you'll never reach it! It will continue to be in front of you!
Everything is a choice, we are all in charge of our own life! In fact, that's the only thing we are in charge of! And wow, what a change it is in peoples life when they go from "no choice" to "choice"!
So, if you decide to continue the "I have no choice, life is happening to me..." path, you'll succeed. If you believe you just have to hang in there until something outside of you changes in your favour, that's exactly what's going to happen! If you just hang in there, waiting for next week, next month, summer, winter, Christmas... That's exactly what's going to happen! You continue to hang in there... Waiting... And every day confirms your destiny. Everywhere you see happy people, slim people, rich people, people with good jobs, successful people.... And you don't understand that your one of them! Successful in what you do, because on a deep, deep level in your unconscious mind, you've decided to walk down the "no choice" path.
You can be on that path for as long as you want! Remember, you're in charge of your own life! That's the only thing you're in charge of! One lifetime, several lifetimes, it doesn't matter! You can use as much time as you want!!
And nothing changes! It's the Law of Attraction! You send out "no choice" energy, everything around you makes sure you get what you ask for...
We can't force the Universal Laws! Unlike man-made laws, they are constant. Like you can't force the sunshine or the night to come. No matter how angry you get at the sun for shining and even burning your skin, it doesn't stop! You have to take charge to do something about your situation! It's your life, your skin, what do you do?
To choose to not choose is also a choice!
A step in your personal development! A difficult step, a long lasting step, and indeed a very important step! Because it is this step that finally takes you from Victim to Victory. You will get there!! You can't help develop! The only thing you can do, is resist it. As long as necessary for you. At one point you will start to choose to be in charge of your own life! Simply because you don't want to feel so lost anymore... You've learned your lesson. And that is the real lesson! Now you don't have to depend on other people to change!
The Universal Laws are unchangeable! So, at the moment you decide to walk on the other path, the "choice" path, being responsible for every step you take, being aware of everything that happens in your life, every single second of it, you'll start to see a pattern. Listen to what people say to you, be aware of what you hear that seemingly isn't for your ears, like on the bus, in a crowded place... How does it make you feel? Happy? Angry? Or the most suppressing feelings of all, just a bit irritated, offended, resentment...
Follow that feeling! What was actually said? What did you see? Use some time to examine your thoughts on the matter! Are they positive or negative? If they are negative, why? There is nothing right or wrong here, it's only Universal Laws in action!
To help you in this work, check out the Universal Laws and the Laws of Manifestation on the website. Write them out, try to understand them, try to follow them. They will help you along the path, and when you're ready to dive deep into what you don't reach alone, you'll get help! Remember, when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear!! And it will be exactly the right teacher for you!! Why? Because you've chosen to take charge in your life, to be aware of your own development. You work with the Universal Laws to succeed in conscious growth, to get your tremendous potential, not in unconscious growth, fighting them!
Yes! That's what it comes down to, doesn't it Kari? A simple choice... And whether we're choosing or not choosing — we're still choosing! The difference is whether it's conscious or unconscious.
When we sit with all our incompletions and nothing in our life seems to change, just the same-old-same-old, this is when we've unconsciously 'not chosen.' We're unaware of this...
So if we seek change; if we wish to solve this inner riddle, and un-learn what we know, then we need to be making conscious choices!
This requires us returning to the basics of observation and becoming proficient as such. And as I always maintain, it requires commitment and perseverance!
To begin with, we have to clear a 'working space' that is free from all the clutter and busyness of our minds. A good way to achieve this is through meditation. Preferably guided-meditation... I'm rather partial to Buddhist meditation practice, but each to their own, and there are always meditation groups one might join, or even CD's one can purchase (or in MP3 format) which you can play at home — or even whilst driving to work.
It's best to work up to about 20-30 minutes meditation sessions (starting out, even 5 minutes is sufficient) morning and night, or whatever time of day is quiet and without distractions... It's important to maintain consistency with your meditation times, because in doing so, you are introducing a new habit.
What meditation does is afford you the opportunity to start filtering out the negative energy and thinking, and reintroducing positive, generative patterns of thought. In fact, merely by engaging in the meditative process, you are already invoking these Universal Laws. It's a conscious choice!
Great! You've begun the process of change! And most likely you weren't even aware of the enormous transition you've made...
Automatically, you become more in-tune with the needs of your Way of Being and you're developing a higher level of proficiency as an observer... Your creativity begins to flow and now you're tapping into that colossal reservoir of potential! As you mentioned, Kari, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear — yet what I've found is that I'm both student and teacher all-in-one. The moment I make the choice to be the diligent student, that's the moment at which I'm ready to learn — and I begin teaching.
In our next conversation, I'd like to dig somewhat deeper into a topic we touched on in a previous topic, that of collective consciousness — in particular, as it applies to the business world.