Conversation 17. LOVE
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Conversation 17. LOVE


 

                                                           

KARI
 
There is one thing we have yet not talked about in our conversations, Guy, which is crucial when changing our lives for the better, and that is Love.
 
We tend to overlook what is right in front of our eyes and Love is something we know is there, everybody seeks it, in one way or another, but have you ever wondered why?
 
From an evolutionary point, it is absolutely necessary that we have some kind of glue that that holds two people together in order to have children, so we keep the evolution going, and maybe that still is an explanation for what Love is, for some. A chemical reaction in the mission of evolution. And if that is the truth for some of you readers out there, you're right. Love can be measured as a chemical reaction, both in the brain and in the body. Endorphins flow in our blood, the hearts react with increasing heartbeats, we get this crazy feeling in the stomach, we want to dance, jump, shout it out to everyone that we're in love! We have cell-receptors in our brain, in our heart, in our digestive system, for these endorphins, so yes, it is definitely a chemical reaction! 
 
We also have compassion, empathy, feelings that make sure we take care of each other, that can also be measured as chemical reactions, the same as nature makes sure we take care of our children with chemical reactions. 
 
I have people in my life, people I really care about, that are so sure that there is no love in their life, and never has been, that nothing can change their belief. I also have people in my life I care about, that give themselves away entirely, in order to be loved. And they feel miserable! 
 
We write about love, we sing about love, we search for love, we dream about love, we seek for it in other humans, in animals, in nature, material things. We all have our own parable for Love. My question is, what is it really? 
 
Do you remember you once told me, Guy, that in at least one language you knew of – I believe there is more than one – there was no word for Love? When you said that, I remember my first thought was: "Wow, that is so beautiful! They leave it all open because they understand that everything is love!"
 
So, how is that? How can everything be Love in a world where so many suffer in fear and pain, how can everything be Love when there is so many lonely people out there? People struggling for survival, experiencing loss of loved ones, war, hunger, loneliness... 
 
Norway is a very good country to live in, with a system that takes care of everyone living here. No one has to starve here, unless they make choices in their life which lead to that consequence. No-one needs to live on the street, unless they make choices that lead to that consequence. In two months, it is 69 years since our last war ended, so what do I know about problems in the world, you may ask. It is easy for me to talk about Love in everything.
 
Yes it is! As it is for everybody with those glasses on, no matter where we live and under what conditions. 
 
I met a woman lately who is from another country. She is very poor and she is here to beg for money. In the summer we have beggars, sitting on every corner, asking for money. But this woman is all alone. For a period now, we have had an enormous amount of snow and it felt we were going to drown! And this ice-cold wind...! You don't want to stay outside unless you have to! And she sits there, with no support from others, she doesn't know our language; she has no friends, she struggle just to survive. 
 
And yet she always has company! Two beautiful doves are around her all the time. She talks to them, sometimes she sings for them, with a calm and warm voice. Her eyes are filled with emotions when she watches them and they seem to wait for her every morning. She has friends, she is not alone — this is Love. The doves don't take away her problems, those are for her to solve, they just support her, while she tries to figure out how to survive.... 
 
My daughter decided once, when she was younger and still going to school, that she would do an experiment. It took her 20 minutes to walk to school, and every morning she met the same people, among them a man that looked very sad and worried, so she decided to smile and say hi to them all, starting with him. When she got home that day, she had made a new, and very important discovery: Not only did she get a smile in return from everyone, she felt so good the whole day through! She could concentrate better, she felt very happy and things that normally would irritate her, became funny.
 
What was that? She decided to do the same thing the next morning, same result! And the morning after, the seemingly sad and worried man not only smiled, he was the first to say hello and smile. I am sure he had the same reactions as my daughter, his day was so much easier with a start like that!
 
When one of my sons was learning to walk, we sat and waited for his father together with a lot of other people, among them a man, looking very busy, and very serious. He was dressed in a suit that looked expensive. My son let go of my supporting hand and starting to walk towards this man for some reason. Just as he was about to fall, he reached this man's leg and grabbed his trousers. The man looked surprised at first, then he smiled this big, lovely smile and sat down to be at the same level as my son, and started to talk to him. My son gave him the biggest smile before he turned around to walk back to me. 
 
The man gave me a smile, the woman standing nest to him, started to talk to him about when her son learned to walk, and suddenly others started to join the conversation.
 
Isn't all this Love? I am pretty sure that both the people my daughter met and those waiting together with me, had their problems, bills to pay, relationship problems, whatever they might be; as might the begging woman, but for a little while, they went into this state we so often talk about, the State of Being! And that is where we find Love in everything!   
 
What about you, Guy? You live in a country where things were really tough, due to politics and the Apartheid system, only a few years ago, and still many people are affected by those conditions. You also told me that in some areas of Durban, things can get pretty rough, I even remember once we Skyped, there was some shooting in the distance... And still you live surrounded by so much beauty.... I am sure that you have clients that need some guidance in the conflict between good and bad, Scarcity and all the beauty and Abundance you're surrounded with!
 
What are your thought about Love. How do you help your clients to change focus to see that there is Love in everything that happens?
 
GUY
 
Hahaha! Ah yes, one can always count on a woman to bring up the subject of Love... I want to thank you for doing so, Kari, because Love permeates every aspect; every corner of our lives. And yet most people think of Love one-dimentionally: "she loves me; she loves me not." I really enjoy your anecdotes about the homeless lady with her doves, and your children's reaching out with a smile — all poignant exhibitions of the essence of Love!
 
I'm reminded of a movie from 2003, called "Love, Actually." To my mind it went a whole lot further towards capturing what Love is all about, than many of the romance movies one finds — even though it was a romantic comedy. It highlighted many different characters' perspectives of Love, and as you said, Kari, we all have our own interpretations... These interpretations also depend on our level of enlightenment.
 
This is why many people become trapped by their notion of what Love is — in their belief of the meaning of Love and claiming that it doesn't exist for them. This is what I quite bluntly refer to as 'poor-me syndrome' — when I hear people saying things like: "there's no such thing as love" or "nobody loves me"... This is pure, unconscious selfishness, rooted in Fear and intended to elicit pity from fellow human beings. And there are millions of people who firmly believe in this concept, as with those loved ones you spoke of, Kari.
 
I have worked with people just like this. When their relationships break down, or if they are unable to attract a romantic partner, they begin to feel unloved. Their resulting language is that of Scarcity, where they are thinking and saying things like: "why would anyone love me when I'm so ugly" and "I'm not a good person, so I'm not worthy of love." I will address the solutions to this kind of thinking later, but I wish to point out that in all of these instances, Love has been poorly interpreted, leading to many more serious side-effects.
 
When someone truly believes that they are not loved, and that Love doesn't exist, this leads to them seeking an emotional 'replacement.' They might eat to the point of obesity, endangering their life in this way; resulting in turn with the belief that they're "too fat to love"... They might also feel lonely and needy for not having Love in their life, which becomes depression that could culminate in suicidal tendencies. These people are utterly incapable of helping themselves, and again, I'll get to the solutions later.
 
Fear exists only because of Love — this is the Universal Balance, just that there is no black without white, no up without down — and because there is a great deal of fear in the world, there must also be a whole lot of Love too!
 
We could also debate the difference between the Westerner's idea of loving someone, as opposed to being in love with them. The former might apply to a friend, or a parent, whilst the latter refers to a romantic partner. Again, many have lost the significance of Love here. I have myself been in a few relationships where both my partner and I believed we were 'in love' (I mean, we said "I love you" so surely we must have been!) and yet, when the relationship came to an end, the so-called 'love' suddenly vanished... Love doesn't tear you apart either — this is purely the tumultuous ramifications of your emotional state. Love itself has (or should have) nothing to do with it!
 
One very clear distinction apparent to me, is that when you determine Love as a mood, you inhabit a far more powerful "State of Being" (as you put it, Kari) than Love as an emotion. Emotions are fleeting and superficial. An emotion can be here one moment and gone the next. We can feel loved and on top of the world one day, and the next day we're down in the dumps feeling unloved. There's very little balance here, and a person existing at this level of Scarcity would perhaps be seen as fickle and untrustworthy.
 
By contrast, moods are long-lived, lasting even a lifetime in many instances. If we adopt the concept of Love as a Mood, not only does it become a more stable belief, it also changes the manner in which we comprehend Love. When a person's mood becomes that of Scarcity though, their entire life revolves around the idea that Love is absent and this is extremely degenerative!
 
Moods are also collective, being adopted by a business, a community, or even an entire nation. One might suggest that the mood of a country like Norway is more abundant, loving and nurturing; as opposed to, say, North Korea, whose mood is certainly steeped in fear and Scarcity.
 
You're quite right, Kari, in that South Africa can and has been considered a dangerous place, with much racial and political conflict over the years. Many South Africans have emigrated due to this and, during Apartheid, people were exiled because of their political beliefs. But South Africa is a beautiful country — by my reckoning, beautiful in more ways than just visually. Love, as with beauty, is in the eye of the beholder... Where one finds misery, Abundant Love can also be found.
 
I remember in 1994, leading up to the elections that saw South Africa becoming a democracy, there was much speculation about the mood of the people. It was feared that racial violence might erupt, with the Black people turning against the Whites, after all those years of persecution and hatred. On election day though, all was quiet, peaceful and orderly; there was cameraderie and unified anticipation. All South Africans were joined in Love and Peace towards forging a brand-new nation!
 
Again, the world was nervously watching our country when Nelson Mandela passed away, expecting tensions to rise... Yet this became, for all of us South Africans, a time of reflection and togetherness. Love...
 
You're quite right, Kari, I did mention that other cultures have interpretations of Love entirely different to that of the West. In China and Japan, for example, the concept of "Ai" is seen more in terms of benevolence; of a duty to one's family and country; one's actions and attitudes... Buddhism teaches about loving equally, with no attachment to a particular person.
 
So in the end, what is this thing called Love? With so many interpretations and beliefs as to its meaning, I can only draw this conclusion: If you can see beauty in everything and everyone — even a little — then you can See Love... If you can commit unconditionally to yourself and who you are, then you will Know Love... If you can give these two gifts to yourself, then you may Give Love to others... And if you develop the enlightenment to cognise Love, then you will Be Love!
 
So tell us, Kari, how you go about assisting people in the importance of defining what Love means to them, and the result it has on their lives.
 
KARI
 
Hehe, Guy, of course we must talk about Love!!! It is Valentines!
 
And then we have the rest of the year! Love is what it all comes down to, is it not?
 
I can tell you, Guy, that Love is the most grounding feeling of all to work with as a Kinesiologist. For me, everything is Love, even the most challenging experiences in life. No one of us have ever experienced anything we weren't able to overcome, and for every single time we can look back at experiences and say: "it is over, it's done, this is it! Now I understand!" we take huge steps forward. After all, we are still here, no matter what!
 
Some of us are unable to let go of those bad experiences. It is so easy to keep them as a map for the future! In stead of using this new information we've earned, as we go through our life, to confirm the Love behind it all, so many use it as evidence, that there is not such a thing as Love. Or at least, if I am supposed to experience Love, I have to find someone who can give me Love, my better half, a partner who can make me happy and help me let go of all my worries! Or maybe a dog... Or a cat, a horse....
 
Every emotion vibrates on different frequensies, and Love vibrates on one of the highest frequencies, right under the frequencie of Enlighment, and together with joy and happiness. Grief, bitterness and hate, however, vibrates at a level so low, that the only thing it attract is the same things. If these vibrations are yours, you will not be able to recognise the frequencies of pure Love. But you will know it's missing! And you will search for it!
 
Love is a power we are programmed to reach for, just like we are programmed to live. Little new born babies, not getting body contact and Love, will die. As we grow up, it is shown that however bad our conditions are, if we only have one person there, who gives us Love, we will cope. We can end up as bitter grown-ups, hating the world for what it seemingly has done to us, then trying to find someone who will Love us enough to make the world good again. And... with those vibrations, the only thing to attract... more bitterness, more proof....Life is hard...!
 
So, how do we get out of this trap? If we are programmed to reach out for Love, how is it that so many fail? And do they fail?
 
We have in earlier conversations talked about how we live in a world of duality. Let that sink for a while, what does that really mean? 
 
It means that you can not feel one thing, without having access to the opposite feelings, that is your potential! Let's say you feel bitter. You feel that life has always been a burden, no one has ever shown any interest in you, whatever you have done in your life. You've been misunderstood, no one has really seen you. What do you do? 
 
Well, you either do all you can to be seen or you do all you can to hide. If you do all you can to be seen, you will overdo it, since there is no balance here. Maybe you talk too much about life in negative terms, maybe you "hate" this and "hate" that, maybe you don't trust anybody, you attack them before they can hurt you, proud that no one is ever going to make a fool out of you. Or you do all you can to hide, you still overdo it. Maybe you eat too much, drink too much, use other stimulating stuff, you withdraw from other people, to be sure you don't experience any more bad feelings... In stead you get more and more bitter and sad. In both cases, the only result you get, is attracting evidence that shows you're right! People start to avoid you, they don't phone anymore, you're never invited to anything fun anymore, your relationship ends in tears... 
 
And if someone tells you that this is Love, you will probably start hating them! So I will tell you exactly that!
 
On the opposite side of bitterness is LOVE. In the deep inner knowing that you are never alone, that you are so unique and so special that no one can take your place. You are the only one that has ever had your experiences, remember, it is how your brain interprets them, and that is entirely yours! And you are still here... You are so protected, everything that happens, is happening simply because you created it! That is how powerful you are! 
 
What about fear? What about when you feel so frightened for the future, that you can't see how to carry on? What is on the other side? LOVE. Shown in the affectionate feelings we get, when we're able to see the beauty that lies in other people's behaviour! Because it pushes and pulls us to the extent that we, at one point, say enough is enough! And we take back our power!
 
What about self-punishing? How often do we punish ourselves to pain, loss or even death, for something other people say or do "to us"? What can be on the other side?
LOVE. In terms of the awareness of your responsibility for your own reactions, to be reliable. To be trustworthy. Because you know that you are a co creator in the world and every single person you meet, will be affected by your energy. 
 
My clients come to me in difficult times in life and they are often trapped in this feeling you talk about, Guy, "nobody loves me..." or "I am not worthy of love..." This is a big illusion! This is the biggest lie in life! In an earlier conversation we talked about how we reflect our inner drama to the persons in our life. Then, when they react on our actions, we use it as a crutch... Have you ever thought of how admired people who give themselves up for Love, are? "Wow, she was amazing, this woman. I don't think she for one single moment in her life, thought of herself, all she did was taking care of everybody else!" 
 
Is that Love? Or is it a crutch?  You can not evolve if you don't have time to find the love within yourself! There is a big illusion of separation, when this happens...
 
I have clients so full of fear and depression, because there is no longer anyone they need to take care of! The crutch doesn't work anymore... Now, finally, they are able to start loving themselves. 
 
When we publish this, Guy, it is Valentine's Day. A day of Love. A day it is easy to be in Love and a day when we may be very much aware that we're not in love. You told us about broken relationships in your life, I have the same in my life. The beauty in that is, that we both have Loved and we know we can Love again! Love has no age, no race, no gender, there is love for everybody! We come to this world, almost equally male and female, and we all want Love, when we are ready, we attract Love. And the best way to be ready: Fall in Love with the magnificent person you are! If you are involved with someone, your partner is involved in you. Honour him or her, the more you Love the essence of you, the more you will be able to Love your partner. And vice versa. 
 
Then... "All you need is Love ta-ta-ta-ta-ta..."
 
Well, Guy, I get all emotional here :-) Over to a man's view of Love! How can you fill me in here?
 
GUY
 
"A man's view of Love"... Yes, as with everything in the Universe, there is also the balance between male and female... You raised an important point by mentioning Saint Valentine's Day, Kari, and this is something which highlights the differences in the concept of Love between genders.
 
I'd say I'm a pretty romantic guy and I certainly experience that slightly 'mushy' emotional state around the time of Saint Valentine's Day — even though I'm not currently in a relationship. Now, we all want to spoil our loved-ones, girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands and partners and make them feel loved. We buy cards, roses and chocolates, sexy underwear and teddy-bears; we treat them to dinner and other romantic experiences... Is this really Love though? I mean, you could do all of that for a fraction of the cost on any of the 365 days of the year, other than on the 14th of February! Enterprise has itself all geared up to leech you of your money, and then it's all over...
 
No, that's not Love... It's a money-making racket! One could term it 'Commercial Love' I guess. At least that's what a man would say! But hey, it's been around for centuries, so I'll not interfere with the spirit of the occasion. Romance is in the air and I'm a willing participant — given the opportunity! I know, I know, it's not about the money, I hear you say, but my point is: why isn't EVERY day dedicated to expressing Love for those dear to you?
 
So, to the question of attracting Love into your life. Remember that Love is not a person and it certainly doesn't come from 'somewhere out there.' Love resides within you, in all of its interpretations, and it is ever-present!
 
How then, do you set about this process of attraction? Well, back to my favourite topic, that of Language! What are you telling yourself about your capacity to love and be loved? Are you one of those saying, "I'll never find love"? If this is your language, then Love will elude you. If you keep reminding yourself of this, after a time it becomes fact.
 
Do you say things like: "Love is for sissies"? If your language is egocentric, or if you constantly sprout macho rubbish like this, then you have a great deal of work to do, friend!
 
Are you perhaps asking, "why is it that I'm not able to find someone who will love me for who I am?" Well, you need to take a hard look at who you actually are! Are you BEING the person others would want to Love?
 
You might be someone who uses physical appearance as a reason for feeling unloved... Whatever it is, these are illusions created in you mind — illusions defined by Language! They are stories that you make up. Nobody else is concocting them for you — they're too busy making up their own stories about themselves! The mind, working together with the ego, is a devious and dangerous combination and you must be vigilant to arrest the stories that are made up specifically to undermine you.
 
Write down the dialogue; record what you think about Love — and then CHANGE your language to statements like: "I am a Love-giving, Love-deserving, beautiful person!" or, "I am capable of attracting all the Love I so rightly deserve!" Do this, and I promise that when you look in the mirror, you won't look as fat as you previously thought — indeed you will be more inspired to exercise and diet... And you will Love doing it! Alternatively, you might realise that you're magnificent just the way you are!
 
Let me use myself as an example here. I've only just said (twice, in fact) that I am currently not in a relationship. I certainly don't feel unloved, nor am I incapable of giving love — quite the contrary! I mentioned that I've been in a number of relationships, where it turned out that my partner and I did not truly Love each other. I had always jumped from one relationship into the next, always looking for Love — and yet it always seemed to escape me, leaving bitterness and regret. Between partners, I'd feel terribly lonely and needy, so I'd run headlong into the next relationship!
 
Well, I needed time alone! I needed to take the time to find Love within myself and to fall in Love with myself! And voila! I no longer felt lonely! I was no longer needy! I didn't require another person to 'complete me'! Now I am content to just Be... Not only that, but I give gratitude to those partners for having taught me how to Love myself! Yes, of course I wish to attract that special lady into my life, from wherever in the world she might be, but I'm happy to wait, knowing that I am loved already, and that, when she does show up in my life, I'm ready to give Love one-hundred percent!
 
This waiting has also allowed me to feel Love for others — my fellow human beings. And let me tell you, that if you are able to reach out with Love, even with a simple gesture like your daughter and son did with a smile, Kari, your world will immediately become a better place!
 
As I mentioned earlier, there are some that are incapable of helping themselves. The only thing a fellow-human being can do for this person, is to simply give them Love... There is no more powerful remedy; there is no greater healer in the Universe. Giving Love is one of the easiest things to do as well — all it takes is that smile, perhaps a hug, or even just being there, because Love is projected from one's Way of Being. With enough Love, given freely and without expectation, the woebegone soul will at some point see the light... They will eventually choose to ACCEPT that Love from you! From accepting Love, the next step is for them to Love themselves, and for most, the this transformation is profound!
 
You know, Kari, I believe that Love is the thread that runs through all of our conversations — and indeed the work that we do... We might make money from what we do, but Love is the Power behind us. They say that "money can't buy you Love" — and this is true — but Love can buy you immeasurable wealth! So I wish you and our readers an Abundant and Love-filled Saint Valentine's Day!
 

We have spoken now about Love and about Abundance, Kari, so next week I'd like to discuss a topic I've only touched upon, and that is living life in Sufficiency.

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