As you know, Guy, sometimes I have a serious talk with myself, and one of those times was Saturday morning. I was going through some family issues in my mind and simply decided to let go of it all. Instead of trying to control the outcome, I decided to follow my intuition, open up to the fact that I didn’t have all the details, but that my intuition would show me the way. I actually said it out loud: “I am willing to let go of control and follow my intuition!”
Immediately, even before I was finished with this line of thought, I felt an urge to get out into nature. I shook that feeling off and tried to continue with my new plan, but the urge got stronger. I tried to find all kinds of excuses; actually I didn’t have time for that, as I had so much to do according to my decision: “I’m going to spend the day listening to my intuition!” Still this little voice whispered: “What about driving to the ocean to sit and watch the waves? Or maybe take a walk in the beautiful woods surrounding my home?”
It did take a little while, I must admit, before I realised it was my intuition talking. I am in a place where my intuition doesn’t whisper anymore when something is urgent—if I don’t listen it only speaks louder… So I put my sneakers on and went out into the woods. It was so quiet, only the birds and the sound of wind in the treetops. It was wonderful, and I felt my mind eased off and became quiet. After about fifteen minutes I met a mother and her daughter riding on horseback, in perfect harmony with themselves, the animals and the nature.
I was reminded of my childhood, when I was the one sitting on a horse on a beautiful sunny morning. All those times I ran out of the house, when the problems were too big to handle, got on my bike and went to the stable… The problems vanished as soon as I got there. And sitting on horseback, on the big, strong animal that trusted me completely, I remember I decided to never let any problem become so big that it would ever stop me from feeling that complete peace of mind!
I continued my walk as I let my mind go in whatever direction it wanted to go; open to the fact that my conscious mind is limited by what I know. So by being an observer to whatever came up, and it was a lot, it became so clear that all the pictures showing up were merely interpretations of my own feelings.
We talk and we talk about how we should live in the moment, yet we always try to figure out what the moment holds and what it means in the bigger plan we have for our future. We often rely on powers outside of ourselves, like the law; moral rules; the unspoken normality that we spoke of in our previous conversation about language. Or we rely on a maybe even greater power, such as God, angels, archangels. Again we have all these rules for how to think and how to behave. We admire those who have found their way by using these rules, whether it’s in society or in spiritual communities and we go to them for advice for how to deal with our lives, sometimes in person, sometimes over the Internet. And now we’re touching something important: What does this do to us?
The times we could tell each other stories about our enemies are over, it is easy to dislike and even hate someone when they don’t have a name; no family, no identity; when they are just ‘Them’. When we ‘know’ who they are and how they think, when we follow what we have always learned, the rules of society… When ‘everybody’ knows that we are right and ‘they’ are wrong and everything ‘they’ say or do, prove we are right and ‘they’ are wrong.
Where does this come from? Isn’t it from the way life and communities have been governed through hundreds and thousands of years?
What now, when ‘they’ suddenly have the possibility to tell us that they actually have the same wishes and dreams as everyone else, that we all want the same thing: peace and harmony for our family and loved ones.
I am not starting a political discussion here, but simply pointing to the fact that we, as humanity, have made some pretty good choices that took us from the edge of total destruction to a point where there actually aren’t any countries fighting each other anymore. It’s civilian wars, yes, but that is about citizens claiming the right to have a good life, to let their children grow up to get what they need in order to have a good life. This is the beginning—look to when the old leaders of today retire and younger leaders come into power. I am sure we will see huge changes!
So, back to my point… We have, as humanity, made some major changes in the world through our choices. Isn’t it about time we start to take a look at our own responsibility regarding this increased consciousness? How long can we continue to be a victim of our lives when we actually see a whole world change right in front of our eyes? How long is it possible to go on blindfolded, saying it’s ‘their’ fault? How long is it actually possible to believe we are powerless when we have changed the whole world?
We are 7 billion people on Earth; that is 7 billion different destinies, 7 billion different voices with their own unique experiences and understandings, surroundings and challenges. Still, we all want the same; we have always wanted it. Love, peace and harmony… We have tried to reach that goal with physical power—the most scary and powerful is the one in charge. And we never came to the point we are today, did we? All it created was more fear, more wars…
You and I, Guy, talk about what we feel, deep in our core of beliefs. We know there are so many of you out there, reading our words, week after week. That tells a story about Universal truths, we all follow our heart in this. There are no doctrines; there are no leaders, no sects, no churches, no rules to follow and no punishment for not following the rules. It is simply an acknowledgement of the power of us all, which is stronger and more powerful than any weapons!
I have a very philosophical son, and he sent me an email early one morning as he was sitting there pondering about life and humanity. How we see each other like physical beings, taking actions in the moment, like passing on the pavement; do we ever think of the quality of those persons’ experiences in life? And how they, through all the previous experiences, made all the choices, every day, to get to this moment? And some of those choices may have been hurting others. Is that completely bad? Aren’t these actions actually giving us all a possibility to grow?
So, what has all this got to do with me, deciding I’d listen to my intuition? Previous to that, actually some years ago now, I had a very powerful message from myself as something that could be seen as a coincidence, to take back my power! My whole body reacted in a very scary way, yet at the centre of this, it was completely quiet. I felt like being held, and I knew it was time to start the process of letting go.
It wasn’t so bad in the beginning! Step by step things started to change. I felt calmer, I started to believe more in myself, and I felt very lucky. Then things started altering. My life started to fall apart. I lost everything that I once believed I needed in order to feel safe!
Now it didn’t feel comfortable any longer! It started to involve my loved ones. Feelings started to be released from a much deeper level, and worries and concerns changed into fear—it felt like I was fearing for my life. And let’s face it—I live in one of the most peaceful countries in the world! Yes, we have criminals here too, 70 years ago we were involved in a war, but there is nothing that would explain those feelings, other than the fact that I continued to take back my power. And in order to do so, I had to let go of everything that didn’t serve me anymore.
All this was involved in my decision to just follow my intuition. And as I finally got the message, I also got another one: a reminder of how difficult and scary our mind can interpret our world, both personal and collective, and how it’s simply illusions made by outgrown patterns!
What about society, with its rules to create safety for all? At the core of this rules we are all potential criminals, we are creatures that are potentially dangerous, or at least we will harm the society by manipulating and stealing. We are seen as victims of circumstance and there are rules to take care of that. Rules made in another time, by the time humans still fought for peace with power struggles and fear.
We are at a crossroads! It is time to take a stand! Do you want to be a victim of circumstance or do you want to take back your power and be responsible for your own choices, knowing they create your life. Not “the other”, whatever that might be for you.
Now, Guy, we have just spoken about how we create through language and what we choose is indeed shown in our language. So in my perception of this, it must be very important to observe how our language may be filled with habitual ways of speaking. How can you, as a Transformational and Ontological coach, guide us in that respect?
Well, Kari, it seems we’re shifting gear yet again in the evolution of our conversations—always for the better! This is perhaps the most important question in anyone’s life, if only more knew that it was there, never mind having the answer!
Is it time to choose?
“What do you mean by choose?” you might ask. “My life is just peachy as it is… I have a great job (although I guess it could be a little less stressful), a flashy car that makes me look great (even though those monthly instalments are really steep); I live in a great apartment (except that the neighbours are complete idiots), and I have a stunning girlfriend (I just wish she was more like I originally thought her to be)… And so the list goes on!
Many people would be considered most fortunate to be in that position, and yet, despite all the physical and outward signs of wellbeing, for so many of us, the internal language tells a different story!
Some years ago, I too was in that very same place… I had a great life—my business was flourishing and going from strength to strength; I had a lovely big house in one of the most sought-after areas of Durban; I drove a beautiful car, and I had a solid marriage to a lovely woman. We would dine out at fancy restaurants, have awesome parties and found time to get away on long weekends.
And yet there was always something missing, continuously nibbling away in my unconscious mind. Of course I never paid heed to this, as I was having ‘the time of my life’.
The problem is that it was all an illusion built upon what I thought constituted happiness. I was in love with life, my possessions, my status and my wife—but I hadn’t thought about loving ME! That was what was missing, and what is missing from the lives of so many!
Of course, my amazing castle of life came tumbling down eventually—it simply had to, as it was built on such weak and superficial foundations!
Naturally, I didn’t believe this, so I kept on trying to make a success from the same old patterns. My business dwindled, so I went out and found a job (when I’d sworn I would never work for someone again) and I traded in the car for a (slightly) less expensive one. My wife was becoming more disenchanted with me and we argued more and more regularly (always about financially related issues).
Even I was becoming less believing in myself, and would succumb to the criticism of others. I didn’t like the person I became… Eventually, I was faced with divorce, and in the process, lost the house that meant so much to me.
And still I tried—found a lovely apartment, got myself into another relationship with ‘the perfect woman for me’ and travelled every year overseas. The niggling in my unconscious mind had become a gnawing by this time. I was really unhappy! I had lost my lust for life, my ‘mojo’. So all this I lost too…
Until the day dawned that I remembered my calling, and my entire world changed! I let go of the fantastic career (with which I had become embittered anyway) and pursued a new path—that of Transformational and Ontological Coaching.
This was my time to choose!
Once all of the old habits and conditioned thinking had receded, I was finally in a place where I had no choice but to get to know ME! That’s when I realised that I could love myself!
Suddenly, a whole new series of realisations about my true potential started to unfold before me, and with that, a solid, authentic foundation, upon which I could build a new vision of the grandest expression of Guy!
Kari, you know my story well. You have seen me struggle financially and listened to my frustrations at times, knowing that we hold this abundance in our hands and just want to share it with the world. And yet you’ve hardly ever seen me unhappy, have you? Just like you, I now have a love and happiness that comes from deep within—through loving myself! Whereas before the shackles of my illusions limited me to the point of despair, now I am entirely free to face life’s incredible challenges with acceptance and gratitude.
Just yesterday, a good friend told me that I had this calm and easy-going nature, and I realised that, yes, this is the person I’ve now become, after not really knowing who I was for so very long.
Being in love with yourself generates an outward, positive energy that emanates from your core. It radiates forth, embracing all in your sphere of influence. You are better able to love others if love begins first with you, then those you care most for, and then in ever-increasing circles to all beings.
As a result of this kind of self-love comes heightened consciousness and awareness for the Universe. And through loving yourself, you realise that nobody is responsible for the manner in which your life unfolds. Your destiny is like a very large and detailed nautical map or chart—and you are the only one who gets to plot the course you take.
Take your decisions through love and the intuitive belief in who you are—where you want to be will follow. If you don’t, you give yourself up to fate and scarcity, to sail aimlessly wherever the prevailing winds and currents may take you.
Try to let go of the negative dramas of your past, as they have absolutely no relevance in the present, or into the future. All of what you have learnt in your life can only get you so far, yet if you allow the old limiting patterns of what you know to continue unchecked then change will never occur! Remember the phrase I’ve used before: “What you know has got you to where you are right now, yet it’s what you don’t know that you don’t know that will get you to where you want to be”…
Approach the future in wonder, just like a small child, where every experience is a new one and where you can never learn enough!
So why do Kari and I share with you these deeply personal stories, dear readers? Well, because we feel intuitively that so many of you will relate to what we discuss, and perhaps learn something new about what it means to love the amazing being that you are.
More than that, we would like to open your eyes, through finding your authentic self, to a broader level of consciousness…
Well, Kari, as a Kinesiologist, what are your thoughts about adopting the concept of Wonder, which is one of the highest forms of consciousness, as an energy source from which to choose positive and generative change in our lives?
Guy, the only time I can remember you were unhappy, was when your kitten died. I remember you had to talk it out of your system, and then you said you decided to let it go. And, like magic, one of your friends asked if you were able to take care of two kittens; brothers who were very fond of each other! I remember we talked about how wonderful that was! First you had all those beautiful moments with your kitten, and then you were open and ready to take care of two kittens!
That makes you wonder, doesn’t it? What was it that really happened there? So yes, to wonder is the most important thing in life! Acknowledge the fact that we don’t know anything, the truth as we see it, is only how we see it today, with our present level of understanding!
Always wonder! Always be curious of what’s really going on!
I have a dear friend who is a psychic healer. We share treatments once a month, and this morning I was going to spend a relaxing time at her place. When I checked my phone this morning, there were several messages and one phone call. One of the messages was from my friend, telling me she woke up this morning feeling ill and wanted to postpone. The phone call was from my granddaughter, and I knew it was too late to call her back, as she had gone to school, so I decided to try again this afternoon.
I was a bit disappointed, as it would be very nice, both talking to my dear granddaughter before she went to school, and also having a time when I could just receive, but then I started to wonder.
My experience is that every time one of my clients wants to postpone, there is another client calling during the same day, who is often more in the need of a treatment, so I simply opened up to the fact that there had to be a blessing here too.
Fifteen minutes later my daughter-in-law phoned me and asked if I by chance had the opportunity to go to a performance my granddaughter and her class was having, as both of the parents had to work.
Yeah, sure, I had all the time in the world! Could it be any more blissful than this? And, if I had taken the phone when my granddaughter phoned me, I would have disappointed her by saying I couldn’t be there, she had to perform without anybody who loved her, listening and watching. And filming—as proud grandmothers of the day do!
It was a wonderful experience to listen to when she and all the other children (in fact, in her school there are children from 20 different countries in the world) held hands and sang!
And that’s when I started to wonder where they all would be twenty years from now…
Just wait for this generation to grow up and take over the responsibility in the world!
Every moment of the day we experience things like this. What I myself find most challenging aren’t necessarily the changing moments during the day, but rather the time I have to wait from when plans alter, to the moment when I understand why. I know the Universe doesn’t have an inner clock like we do, so sometimes we just have to be patient. And sometimes we just have to realise that the answer has already occurred—we just don’t have the knowledge to understand it as yet.
Like this morning, when I actually woke up with a feeling that something was about to change… Of course I thought it would be something big, and actually, it was! Because yesterday, before going to sleep I decided that I was ready to let go of more of my control in life, in trust that whatever happened today, was the best for me at that moment!
The appearance of these synchronicities is just stunning when you are aware of how it works! We tend to dig ourselves into all our illusions of what we have and what we want, based on how we want our life to be.
Now, I am a few years older then you, Guy, and I have most probably lived over half this life. And the world I grew up in doesn’t exist anymore!
Back then we heard the news on our radio; TV was for the rich! The only time I heard radio was from 5pm to 6pm every Saturday afternoon, as it was a program for children. As I got a bit older, I also listened to radio between 7pm and 8pm on Mondays; a program with music people wrote in and asked for.
It was a very innocent time. No one thought of the fact that it was dangerous to cycle without a helmet or that someone could hurt a child. I remember I had books at school that were the same as my father had when he went to school. It was nice to receive an education, but we didn’t have to. There was always a job for you.
So when someone came back home after being out in the world, it was very exiting and almost difficult to comprehend everything they told. Like how even small children in a country called England actually could speak English!
I remember I decided I most certainly could do that as well, as I believed it had to be something about the fact that children were able to this, while the grown-ups where not. So I listened to the Beatles. They had a song called: “She lapskaus yeah, yeah, yeah!” (Lapskaus is a Norwegian casserole that I was very fond of, so I was sure they where singing about that…) Yes, innocent times…
My granddaughter has never experienced a life without TV or Internet. She speaks excellent English and has no problem following a conversation in English, as she started to learn it before she went school at the age of 6. She had a hard time believing me when I told her how I grew up!
Again, all we have to alter our presence with is our previous experiences. We cannot understand what we don’t know and that makes it scary to choose to be responsible for real change in life! In order to go there, we move ourselves outside our comfort zone into something we have no idea how to handle! So most often we decide not to choose it… Not fully and completely!
We can change our surroundings, we can change our job, our house or our partner, but we cannot change our previous experiences! Like one of my friends always says: “You change whatever you want, if you don’t tie up the loose ends from your past, the goblin will just continue to follow you!”
We live in the same world, my grand daughter and I, yet our set of experiences as a child growing up, are completely different!
Who among us holds the truth? Is everything I learned in a time that doesn’t exist anymore, wrong? Is everything she learns when she grows up, right? Or will she experience that her grandchildren find it very difficult to believe her, when she tells about her childhood? At which point does right turn wrong?
I just wonder…
What about your own history? You can’t change what happened, but what you can do, is change the way you think about it. Your brain doesn’t care! It is the best friend you will ever have, and it is right there, with you all the time, giving you exactly what you want. And mind you, what you want in the deepest core of you, not what you believe you want, in your 5% consciousness.
So by changing the past in your mind, by changing the pictures, like magic, you have another set of experiences to alter your future with! Because you open up to so much more of your potential!
And I guess that is what we do, more and more rapidly. Our experiences change so fast these days, it almost feels like what’s right one week is completely wrong the next!
But is it? Isn’t it a question about who you trust? Do you trust your inner self or everything outside yourself?
The vast potential we all have, inside our deepest core, unique to every one of us, just waiting to be realised—isn’t that the only thing in life that is completely right for you?
The question is: Are you willing to choose to be responsible for your choices, your changes, your possibilities, in order to live your life? Or do you let life live you, without taking any responsibility at all, continually feeling like a victim of life’s circumstances? Are you continuing using all your previous experiences, without updating them with new information—as you know more today than you did 10, 20 or 30 years ago?
Now, Guy, you are also an amazing artist, painting wonderful pictures where you use your Ontology to read persons and by that tell a whole story through your pictures. What you see is what’s really going on in those persons. Can you, in any way, find words to describe how our unconscious signals, through our language and our Way of Being, help us in understanding how to make our choice—and also, how to understand more of ourselves by how we act?
Thank you, dear Kari, for your kind words of praise! Despite what I might think of my artistic competency, I certainly have come to realise that for me, my art and the work that I’ve chosen as a Transformational and Ontological Coach, dovetail perfectly with one another!
As you know, art is an expression of one’s Way of Being, and I’ve found that it has helped me immeasurably in my ability to observe. Painting and drawing is very much about interpretation, both for the artist and for the viewer.
My art is an interpretation of what I observe, whether it be of people or nature, yet the result is open to a myriad of interpretations according to ‘the eye of the beholder’.
You recall, Kari, the charcoal and pastel drawing I did called “The Dancer”, where only her bare feet and calves were showing. I had drawn her as a woman standing on her tip-toes in a dancing posture… Of the feedback I received from those viewing it and making their own interpretations, the most memorable was that this was a woman “reaching up, arms outstretched, towards her freedom”.
All the viewer could see was her feet and calves, yet their interpretation came from what wasn’t visible… The interpretation was based solely upon imagination!
And this is why my art works in unison with my coaching—because we interpret one another in the same way as we might a work of art, a beautiful vista, cloud shapes in the sky, or tealeaves in a cup.
As you said, Kari, these are our stories, transcribed from our interpretations—through language.
Isn’t this just amazing? As you’ve already mentioned, Kari, we are 7 billion people—each of us interpreting the world in a different way from the next, each with our own unique story to tell… Another catch phrase I like to use is that: “We see the world the way we are, not the way it is.” In other words, our interpretations are based purely on our unique experience of life and no two people see the world the way we do! Now that’s quite something!
Consider how stories of old (and even those not-so-old!) would change entirely from one person to another, each time they were told. Stories about experiences and events, and about other people. Is the person in front of you really as you perceive them, or do they exist purely in the image and likeness of your personal interpretation? Have you ever wondered if this person might see himself or herself entirely differently from the way you do? And what about the interpretations of those you share your interpretations with? Their view will be different yet again—and so on…
Do we even know who we really are, and is the world really as we see it? Are we even aware of the potential that resides beyond our interpretations and stories?
In fact, for the most part, we live blindfolded and in a maze—unaware that just outside the maze sits the ‘pot of gold’ (representing our potential). A process I devised for my training to illustrate this metaphor for life, is to take the trainees out of the training room to another location, usually quite far away. Each trainee gets given a thick blindfold that they must tie tightly around their heads, covering their eyes.
They are then required to navigate their way back to the training room, and to the very same chair they occupied before leaving the room! As you might imagine, the results are interesting—and in some instances, hilarious! Some stumble about, bumping into desks and tripping on steps, whilst others miss the training room door and have to try re-tracing their steps… The more savvy amongst the group team up in three’s and four’s where the leader (who is perhaps somewhat more observant) navigates for the others.
So, after some time, all the trainees are seated as they were, after invariably landing up at first in the laps of others, amongst much giggling and laughter. Yet this a very serious lesson, because it’s exactly how most of us live our lives, completely unconscious that this vast potential exists—if only we were to choose it!
I’ll give away a secret here, dear readers: I never once told the trainees NOT to remove their blindfold and walk straight back to the training room, and their original seat… Makes you think, doesn’t it? Incidentally, if anyone ever does just this, I’ll know that either they have read these words, that they are observant, and of above average consciousness; or they are truly spherical thinkers, fully in touch with their potential! Let us see…
Back to the question then, when is it time to choose? The simple answer, as you might guess, is right this instant! Yet our lives just aren’t that simple, are they?
Many hold the belief that ‘being in the now’ is what we should always strive for. My response to that is a rather ambiguous “yes and no”…
Yes, it is important to be able to release the past and stand in the flow of the moment, without expectation of what may unfold. Our past experiences, in particular the negative ones, constitute our stories about ourselves, and those stories remain in our unconscious mind throughout our lives.
Yes, we do need to engage with those stories and, should they have manifested as limiting patterns of behaviour, we need to dismantle them, in order to ‘be in the now’.
The “no” part of my answer is that if we wish to choose where we want to be, and who we want to be, then we must develop a very clear and intuitive vision of the future. As you might know by now, I attend a weekly Buddhist meditation group. This week, the teacher was saying that in order to gain peace and happiness, we should not have expectations of the future, as our lives might end tomorrow. We should rather strive to attain that state of acceptance and enlightenment right here and now.
Although it’s not my place to question other people’s beliefs, or the reasons for them, it did raise the question in my own mind that the only means of attracting the Abundance we desire and deserve, is to strive to realise this untapped potential we all possess—and this cannot happen ‘in the now’! It is a gradual process, unfolding over a period of time, sometimes years and sometimes decades. If it all came at once, we’d be completely overwhelmed for one thing, and for another, we’d then have nothing to look forward to—nothing to savour for a future date.
Let’s take ambition as an example. Most of us are eager to succeed in life, be it in our jobs and careers, or as an entrepreneur growing an enterprise. We want to “get somewhere” that makes the struggle and perseverance worthwhile! Granted, a Buddhist monk does not have the same kind of desire to succeed, although at the same time, they do want to spread the word and grow their faith, which doesn’t happen overnight either…
The desire to grow requires objectives and goals that need to be set, and quite honestly, I revel in the excitement of anticipation! As I write these words, our first book, “She Said He Said” is with the publisher, and both Kari and I eagerly await its arrival! We also have so many plans for the future of The PowaForce Forum in raising consciousness, starting on a small scale and growing to a global platform.
Naturally, this cannot happen tomorrow, yet we have years ahead to see it take root and help it to grow. Sure, either one of us could ‘pop our clogs’ at any moment, but that doesn’t prevent us from striving to attain the highest expression of who we want to be!
And what about our partners—that someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with? Perhaps you are already with that person, or perhaps, as in my case, she is there, yet not quite ready for crazy Guy! Although I have no expectations of her, I have hopes and desires for a dazzling future with her, filled with the most profound experiences… They may never transpire for us, but if I don’t dream of what may be, if I do not project my wishes into the future, then it’s a given that they will fail to materialise…
My ultimate answer to the question of this conversation then, is that when we have arrived at the place in our lives when we are ready to choose, we will know it—and we will take our choice in authenticity and wonder at the incredible world that is ours to nurture for as long as we are blessed with Life!
Kari, this discussion has given rise to many more philosophical questions, yet the one that stands out for me, and which I’d like to talk about next week, is: Who am I and what is my purpose in life?
(Image by Carsten Tolkmit)