We have been into so many topics since we started this journey together, Guy, and now this… Is it even possible to know what to expect? And when do You know that you are You? Or for that matter, when do I start to know I’m being Me? Aren’t we always ourselves? Well, in fact, is it possible not to?
I’m sitting here on a beautiful, sunny Saturday evening—summer in Norway means that I can enjoy the sun yet for 3-4 hours; it won’t be dark until past midnight. I have spent some time today thinking of this topic and I see that I can’t speak of this without talking about awareness.
It is so easy to use that word: Awareness. So what is it, really?
Synonym words are: cognisant, conscious, sensible, awake, alert, wakeful, vigilant.
Some of these are words we usually use in order to be successful in our external world, aren’t they? To be aware of everything that can go wrong, all those chances that occur, which may led to success, or be aware of all those people out there who may use their time to potentially scam you! Better safe then sorry!
Some of us live our entire life completely in the head, only relying on the result of all those synaptic patterns. I read an article about love this weekend, where it was explained as chemical activity based on synaptic action. This process is very intense for the first 3-6 months (that’s when we fall in love) and the purpose of that is to attract a possible partner in order to make a child! After that it depends on various things whether couples stay together or not. As in how much they have in common, how much protection there will be in the relationship, how well they work together; speak together…
Is that it? If that was all, I can understand why we have to be consciously alert, always one step ahead of everybody and everything. Then we use old experience patterns from old outgrown relationships, triggering the same chemical reactions as it did when things went bad, in order to find the right one to fall in love with. Based on a past level of maturity you try to find a person that fits with your present level of maturity.
If that is the truth, we don’t need to be aware of anything other than external potential dangers. And I know this is the truth for many of us. As humanity we have lived in survival mode for thousands of years, and many people still do. But I’m pretty sure that every single one of us, who have experienced falling in love, can agree that there is more to it than chemicals!
Did you know that you could die of a broken heart? This is actually true! We have more receptors for the body’s natural opiates in our heart than we have in the limbic system in our brain! What we don’t have in our heart is the Amygdale; this little gland constantly searching for danger, always reminding you of the fear of life! And whenever something potentially dangerous accrues, it fires off the alarm! Again and again, 24/7…
The brain turns on the autopilot! There is no room for figuring out new, more appropriate solutions, made from new experiences, when there is potential danger, and those new patterns aren’t properly integrated yet—so back to the old, unconscious habits!
This is unconscious awareness, no doubt about that, and we use it all the time! Actually it is a very important part of our survival system! The thing is, the majority of people around the world aren’t life-threatened all the time anymore, they are just so stressed! And our brain reacts in the same way! Remember the modern human being is 100 000 to 200 000 years old, that is the time it took our brain to function as it does today. You can’t change that in a couple of generations…
There is one more thing! If you live in your head, if everything that happens can be explained by synaptic activity and instincts, then I guess, every now and then the brain takes a look down at the body and says: “Hey there, I hope you’re working!”
And the emotional activity in our hearts doesn’t reach the brain at all…
Then we have another possibility; people who live so much in their heart that the brain is almost shut out, only working unconsciously with old patterns. Let’s face it; that gives huge possibility to people acting weird…
When everything that happens is possibly supposed to happen and is a teaching process sent from the Universe. Then there is no need to take responsibility for what happens, we just wait for the Universe to fix it. In the meantime, we can focus on positive thinking, love and empathy. And eat the proper diet, wear proper clothes, be together with the right person…
This is also unconscious awareness, but it’s still awareness of external things. You do everything you believe you need to in order to convince the group, the society you belong to, or God himself, of how serious you are and how perfectly you do it all, in order to get what you want to live the good life you dream of.
Why do we do that? Why do we always believe we have to follow a bunch of rules (and I’m not talking legal rules now) in order to be good enough!
You are the only version of you! There is no one in the world that is just like you! Theoretically we know that… We have learned about DNA and we know that it is very personal; impossible for two persons to have the same; not even identical twins have the complete same DNA, even if it’s close. So why is it so difficult to believe that we are unique? Why is it so important to behave, act, and talk as other people expect us to, making our identity according to the requirements of our culture, our society, our race, our family, friends and colleagues?
I have to break it to you…. You’re probably not doing such a great job! To some extent, yes, but what if you’re not happy? What if you’re not satisfied with life as it is—what if you want more? Something that you, at some point in life, find isn’t out there! Have you ever thought of how vulnerable we are, when we do our best to fit in as ‘normal’? We are taught that, aren’t we? And we tend to forget that what is the truth for one decade is not true the next.
All this is external and it makes us compete, doesn’t it? It is very easy to refer to other people’s mistakes instead of their successes; which then again shows us as being more mature, more intelligent, healthier, more beautiful, more popular…
Can you see where this is going? What to expect when You start to be You?
Well, first of all, you end up in a situation where you have to get to know who you really are, like we talked about in our last conversation. In order to do that, you have to start using your awareness in an internal way, monitoring your thoughts and feelings!
The next thing you have to understand that every choice you ever made, no matter how wrong it may seem when looking back, felt like the best choice when you made it—you made that choice with the knowledge and the understandings you had back then! The same goes for your choices today! The only tool we have to judge present by, is our past! And remember, the thoughts you think have already existed 1,5 seconds before you were aware of them, and your body has reacted already, so even the thought you have right now, reading this, is your past!
That is why awareness is so important! We use it constantly, it’s unconscious, and yet we still get a pretty good reflection on what’s going on if we notice these thoughts!
Then what? Responsibility… The only one that is responsible for your actions is you. So, maybe you’ve taken bad decisions in the past—that can’t be changed. But you can use them as tools in order to get to know yourself better.
Honesty! That may be the hardest part of it, to be honest with yourself! Remember you are biased; it is so difficult to be really honest with what’s going on! You have all your belief systems and all your previous experiences about the whole drama, so it is easy to make excuses for how you acted. Use your awareness! How does it feel, honestly?
Be nice to your self! You are on a path you’ve never experienced before; you have no idea how to do it! Never before in your life, have you known all the things you know today and you have no idea what tomorrow will bring you. But what I want you to know is that the results of the choices you make today will, on average, manifest in reality 2-3 months from now.
Just that thought alone should help you being aware of how nobody can manifest your future except you.
The last one I’ll mention is intent! What is your intent? You are the only person you will be together with, day in, day out, your whole life! What kind of life do you intend to create for yourself?
In the second half of this conversation, I’ll talk more about what to expect, but for now, I look forward to what you have to tell us, Guy! How do you think we might encourage people searching for that balanced state that results when You start to be You?
Oh Kari, this is such an important topic of conversation! I wonder how many people consider what it might be like if they were to hypothetically meet face-to-face with the highest possible manifestation of themselves…
In fact, please humour me for a moment, dear readers, and let’s hop over to another dimension of consciousness for a moment. What if this meeting were to actually take place? There’s a knock at your door one day, and there gazing back at you, beaming from ear to ear, is You—well another version of you. This person is a carbon copy of you in every single way!
You recognise though, that there’s something different about this mirror image of you, which you can’t quite place a finger on, so, intrigued, you invite them in. As you get acquainted with this ‘other you’ it becomes dazzlingly clear that they have accomplished everything you have ever wished for in life, and a great deal more! This person is the very manifestation of your dreams!
How is this possible, you ask yourself—how can they have succeeded in becoming all of this, where I have failed, over and over again, try as I might?
You query your reflection on this thought, “What did you do differently to what I’ve done, to have such an abundant life?” to which they respond, “It’s not what I did, or indeed had, but rather how I was being. I realised at a point in my life, the exact same point it seems you are at right now, that my prayers and dreams weren’t being answered. I had done everything and tried every tactic I knew to make changes in my life, yet none of them seemed to work. I was doing the same things over and over again and getting the same results I always had…
“Then one day I thought that if doing things differently wasn’t producing results, then what if I chose to Be different? The moment I chose to believe in what’s possible, rather than succumb to what’s ‘impossible’; to Be that abundant person who was successful in every way, as opposed to just hoping for it, my life changed. When I realised that my old patterns of thinking and old habits were limiting me every step of the way, and began focusing on what I truly wanted, positive changes began to occur immediately!
“The more I focused on being the person I wanted to be, the more I became that person. And it wasn’t that I’d changed anything about ‘who’ I was—I had just chosen so see myself and my potential entirely differently from what I had ever done before.
“You see, the critical understanding I arrived at, was that my external world and its circumstances could not prevent me from adopting a Way of Being of my own choosing.”
Then the penny drops! You suddenly realise what it was that was different about your ‘other me’ when you first saw them! It wasn’t that they were necessarily dressed any different (well, perhaps their styling was a little more ‘happening’ than what you might have chosen), or that their hair looked better… It was the manner in which they smiled, and the way they spoke with so much conviction and positive confidence—it was their overall bearing that was entirely different from yours. What was that phrase they used? Ah yes, their “Way of Being” exuded success!
After a long period of contemplation, you say to them, “I want to be you! I want all the abundance and positivity you possess!” They smile and reply, “You ARE me—I am you, and the person you opened your door to is the manifestation of what you have already chosen!”
Kari, it’s been mentioned to me that what we discuss in these conversations is “easier said than done”… Well, whilst I would agree that these conversations are a sharing of our thinking and understanding, a great deal depends on the way you perceive the world I guess. What I have just outlined in the scenario above is the difference between the Do>Have>Be or Have>Do>Be approaches most people take in life, as opposed to the Be>Do>Have outlook that people who live in Abundance adopt.
Allow me to expand on this somewhat. The majority of us look to what we need to acquire (Have), in terms of material things, or what we need to accomplish (Do) in order to become whatever it is we desire (Be). The order of ‘Have’ and ‘Do’ alternates from person to person, but what’s important to comprehend here, is that both ‘Have’ and ‘Do’ refer to all the stuff ‘out there’, the external circumstances and influences—over which we have no control when we live our life in this mode.
To ‘Be’ refers to your Way of Being (our inner world) and here we have absolute control. I’ll share more about our Way of Being and how it applies to the question “What to expect when you start to be you!” in the second half of the conversation.
Something I’d like our valued readers to ponder over, is this: Would it not make a whole lot more sense to begin your approach to life with how you are being? Look at the question again: “What to expect when you start to BE you!” Change starts from within and not from without, doesn’t it? It’s an age-old saying we hear and read repetitively, yet how often to we stop and cognise it as to its relevance to our own lives?
We’re all so busy living life as best we know how, according to those ‘tried and tested’ methods we’ve become so used to. How can we possibly experience exponential growth that way, either as individuals, or as a business, or as society for that matter?
Right now there is strive boiling between Palestine and Israel. Whilst I have no opinion as to who is right or wrong in the conflict, I have to observe that this has been going on for decades, where neither faction feels safe from the other. The same patterns occur repetitively. Are they any closer to peace as a result?
There is an imbalance here that relates to old ways. Just a couple of days ago, Kari, you were saying how the children of today are born into a new way of thinking, and that it is these children (and their children) who will bring about the much-needed balance amongst the peoples of Mother Earth. Well it may well take more than a generation or two to affect enough of a shift in global consciousness in order to eradicate this kind of strife, especially when there are still children born into war zones and know no better—yet the number of children raised in a ‘connected’ world is exponentially greater than it was say 20-30 years ago.
This “balanced state” you mentioned, Kari, is very much more achievable now, than it has ever been in modern history. As technology and accessibility to new learning constantly reaches new and more profound levels, so inter-cultural enlightenment grows—the youth of today no longer have only their immediate family and society to rely on for expanding their knowledge. So gradually, new, shared belief systems result from expanded global communication, as younger folk interact with their peers on a scale that was never before possible.
Yet is this possible if a balanced Way of Being is not first manifested in the individual? My belief is a resounding NO—so there’s work to be done! People still look to what is ‘out there’ (what they know) to achieve personal growth and stability, whereas the only starting point is within!
Let’s talk now about this intent you spoke of earlier, Kari, and how important an ally it becomes when you start to be you.
Yes, let’s do that, Guy! Let us talk more about intent!
Let me use one example: It’s a wonderful, warm and sunny day and you want to take a swim in the ocean. As you get ready to dive into the water, you have pure intent. The moment you jump, there is no way you can go back! You can’t undo it, there is only one way to go, and that is into the water.
This is the intent I talk about! When you decide what you want, give your intent to it and let it go without hesitating at all. The results you get depend on your emotions.
How can we define emotion? Isn’t it Energy in Motion?
Energy ALWAYS follows the thoughts! It is completely neutral, it is never static, and it can’t disappear, only change form. The emotions that follow the thoughts create the reality we experience, as they attract exactly what we expect.
It is the awareness of our emotions that help us to make changes in our lives, just as suppressed emotions keep us in the same positions throughout our life. Without awareness and knowledge of these facts, we just live our life according to the genetic patterns we are born with, which are the sum of our ancestor’s experiences. So we go in circles…
We are not able to be conscious of the complete picture of what’s going on in our life, as we are limited by our emotions. They are the tools by which we interpret everything and we interpret every single moment according to our previous experiences. As we both say again and again, Guy, we use our past to change the future, using the same experiences that got us there in the first place.
When we are born into our family we soon find out what role we play in it. As the years go by, we improve that role to the point where we are experts. As we go out into the world, we continue to play that role, with all the tools we need, learned by practice.
When I was a child, I chose the role as the peacemaker in our family. As long as I can remember, I have been very sensitive to and aware of other people’s energy. I am the youngest in my family and I was the only girl. That gave me a special position and I did all I could to make peace in a home filled with strong wills and hormones. My oldest brother is fourteen years older than me, and my youngest brother is seven years older than me, so I was born into the turmoil of having teenagers in the house, and it continued throughout my childhood.
I never gave that any thought until I told my mother I couldn’t understand why I always lost my appetite and had to leave the table when my husband started to discipline our kids during dinner. She reminded me about my childhood, when she and I had to eat our dinner alone in the kitchen while the rest of the family was eating in the dining room, because I couldn’t deal with all the arguments.
The memory was there immediately, how desperately I tried to make peace; how helpless I felt when no one would listen to me and how scared I was. And I can trace that path, as to how I, up to this day, am very much aware of how often I feel unheard! This has been unconscious to me for many years. It became a conscious behaviour as I remember the pattern, and yet, as I write this today, I can see how I continue to have persons in my life who are not interested at all in my thoughts and feelings. They just need someone to listen to their dramas…
In order to disclose the roles we have chosen, we have to be aware of what’s going on! The external world will reflect our role, as that is the energy we send out.
We live in a world of duality, where nothing can exist without a counterpart. That is an absolute fact. Also, when it comes to our emotions, we can’t have a negative emotion without having the desire for something else. And we can’t have a desire for something else if we don’t know what it is!
The real You is hidden in the reality within the reality. It’s like a huge puzzle where everything that appears real gives you traces to follow in order to remember the truth about who you are! And every time you disclose an illusion you get closer!
That is why you can’t go back if you start this journey! Just as you can’t change your mind after your feet have left the ground when you’re diving into the ocean! That is where intent will take you, and where awareness will take you! That is where your questions have the potential to take you!
The real you, the essence of who You are, exists within the balanced state in the middle of duality. When you have disclosed the role you play, the expectations you have, the assumptions they’ve made, and accepted the fact that it is all yours, with the limited knowledge you have, you are ready to start integrating the desired state of who you want to BE—by intent! With the knowledge that it is something you already have!
It is a life-long journey! As we get older, we theoretically mature and gain knowledge. And as a result of that, we become more balanced. But we all know that isn’t always a fact!
But if you make an effort in starting to understand yourself and your perceptions, it will create acceptance. When you really can accept the one you are, you start to appreciate all your experiences, good or bad, the people and circumstances that have had an impact in your life and all the consequences you’ve faced. You start to understand other people and when we really understand each other, we can understand the whole of humanity.
It depends on what you decide to do. It’s your life, it’s your puzzle, and it’s your creation. We are all on the same path; we can’t help but evolve! We also have complete free will as well as we all are unique. No one can tell you how to do this, but you!
That’s why Guy and I always tell you to not believe a word we say; we are also limited by our emotions and our experiences. We only share this because we have followed the traces in our own puzzle to a point where we believe there is so much more to reality and human consciousness than we have learned to believe.
Now Guy, please tell us more about our Way of Being.
I really enjoy your description of intent, Kari, and it’s such an important factor when it comes to being You!
The power of intent, and of our intentions, becomes a critical underpinning to the decisions we make in life and how we stand by them. And in order for our choices and decisions to reach fruition, we require nothing less than 100% intent, don’t we?
If you don’t mind, I’ll use your example to illustrate this, Kari. We might arrive at the beach and say, “Right, I’m going to dive into the ocean!” So we run down to the water’s edge, planning to dive headlong into the shore-break. Yet as we splash into the water, we shout, “Oh my goodness! This water is freezing!” And so we stop ourselves at the point just before taking that dive.
Now, it doesn’t really matter what level of intent we had initially, whether it was 20%, 60%, or even 99%—the thing is that we didn’t follow through with our initial intention. If we had had 100% intent right from the outset, we would have run and dived into that ocean, no matter what. It’s funny, because I’ve been through this very exercise many times before…
During most summers here in South Africa I visit my brother and his family for the Christmas period, and whenever I do, I go to Clifton Beach. Beautiful white sand, plenty of eye-candy and searing hot sun! But the sea temperature is about 11ºC—it’s cold! I always intend to dive in, but short of committing myself 100% to the prospect beforehand, I’ll never follow through. If I walk up to the shoreline and just put a toe in the water to ‘test’ it, I’ve already psychologically backed out, so I lie and bake in the sun for a while and then tell myself, “Now! Go!” and it’s done… And I’ll do it again and again.
Our lives are much the same, in that we take decisions where we aren’t necessarily totally committed with 100% intent. I admit to being a procrastinator and always have been—I put things off until the very last possible minute! On Sunday I had said to you, Kari, that I intended to shoot a YouTube clip at the beach just after sunrise one day this week, yet I never followed through… So I allowed a thousand less important tasks get in the way, which diluted my original intent drastically!
What’s important for me though, is that I am aware of my barriers and I observe my Way of Being constantly to make myself more familiar with my limiting patterns of behaviour, so as to work on rectifying them.
Observation is so crucial as you start being you, because you need to realise when you begin to slip into those old patterns, and prevent yourself from allowing those limiting thoughts to take hold. Practicing intent is an art, and it can become quite a fun exercise as you observe yourself at that point of indecision or procrastination—telling yourself, “Now! Go!”
When taking decisions about what you choose in your life, try to avoid that feeling of hope that often crops up to dilute our commitment. Don’t get me wrong, because hope can be a powerful tool when it comes to attracting what you desire and not letting go of your beliefs, yet it’s an emotional state that needs to be managed most effectively!
One of the most dangerous illusions of life, and an Achilles’ heel to being you, is that of False Hope! It is all too easy to fall into the trap of believing that hope will get us what we want in life. This is one reason I never play the lottery! When we resign ourselves to chance, and wager our lives against the odds, we unconsciously absolve ourselves of having to take responsibility for the choices we make.
Buying that lottery ticket is disempowering—we make plans with the money we ‘might’ have, and we even tell ourselves that if we win, we’ll do good with it… We promise ourselves that we’ll buy the house we always wanted and we’ll never have to work again, and we’ll give so much to charity and so much to loved ones… Yet it’s all an illusion built on false hope.
Why do a large percentage of lottery winners lose it all within the first two to five years, do you think, and often end up worse off than before they won, if not completely bankrupt? Well, because they live in scarcity, just as they were before. Their Way of Being does not resonate at a level essential for receiving. They are chasing riches, and riches egotistically control people who perceive it in this way.
When you start being You, the abundant thinker with a clear purpose in life, and fully confident about your own true potential, tantalising sums of cash no longer attract you. You realise how superficial ostentatious people and possessions seem, as you develop a wealthy Way of Being. Accumulating wealth is the opposite of chasing riches, and vast wealth, in whatever form it may constitute, awaits he or she who believes in themselves.
As you become more and more accountable to yourself for the decisions you take, so the power of your inner purpose manifests. This is what to expect when you start to be you!
There are many means of defining our Way of Being, yet above all else, it is about developing a sense of knowing; an appreciation for the incredible human being that you are, and of the untold potential you possess—as long as you have the courage to remove the blindfold that has previously hindered you from seeing, feeling and being all that is possible in the highest expression of Who You Are!
So, dear Kari, her we are in the closing words of our penultimate chapter in this series of conversations, and what a journey it’s been! There is a common thread linking all of our conversations, and in our 40 conversation, which will pave the way towards new learning in those to follow (for you and I, as much as for our wonderful readers), I would like to discuss “Joining the Dots” and what it is that each and every one of us strive for throughout our lives.
(Painting by Eddie Calz)