This is a subject we’ve touched on over and over, Guy, without going too deeply, and this is what I would call the roles we play in the theatre of life.
I remember when I heard of it for the first time, it was impossible for me to understand what it meant! What happened in my life was indeed real and there were so many things I could not be blamed for! I did not play a role! It was my life!
I am very loyal when it comes to relationships, so when something wasn’t right at home, I always took the blame upon myself for any problems that existed in my relationship. I did it with a smile and said something like, “what can you expect when they have to deal with a person like me in their life?” It took a while before I realised that even if it was partly a joke from my side, they believed it! And then I heard long stories of how I had to understand that I was a grown woman now, with children—I had to change my behaviour and do what was expected of me! I actually heard the same things my parents told me as I grew up, that I had to behave in a way that made my father proud; and when he was proud, my mother was proud (like me, she was very loyal too), and I was left with the impression that I was the one who could make our family happy again. So I tried and failed, over and over, and for every time I failed I felt more and more lost.
Yes, I would prefer that my life was different, but it wasn’t! I had dreams, but I was certain those dreams were going to remain as such all my life! I did my best to be the person I was expected to be, as I started to see that “they” were right—I was to blame! I had played that role for so long now; that I was an expert. For years I tried to make myself as small as possible, and luckily for me I had four children, giving me an excuse to hide at home. I was very happy as long as the five of us where together, but as soon as an adult came into the picture, I became very insecure.
So many years of life went by like this…
It is a strange fact that when something is a common reality, we take it for granted. We accept that it is as it is, without applying any logical sense to it! It is just one of those things in life, for which we even have sayings like: “Yeah, life is hard, it isn’t a bed of roses.”
The weird fact is, at least in the western part of the world, this is so common, that science calls it progress when they have developed a new medication to make life easier to deal with! Then, when people like you and me, Guy, tell people that they are perfect as they are, that they don’t have to take medication to suppress their feelings or spend all that money and effort on something else in order to hide their inner power, we meet with resistance.
I have even experienced someone close to me being so worried about what I do that he wanted to take me to the doctor for psychological analysis—then hopefully get me some medication so I would become normal again, like everybody else!
Why do we see ‘normal’ as being the norm? What is ‘normal’? When I, as a child, dealt with large, difficult horses that scared other people, I was often questioned as to why I wasn’t afraid. I remember I used to say that I was too stupid to be afraid, but that was never the fact. There wasn’t anything to be afraid of at all! I also remember that at one point I started to feel that perhaps I should be afraid, as it was expected of me to be—that they may think I am stupid for not being afraid…
When we are born into this world, we become part of a family that already has its own dynamic. A newborn baby disrupts that dynamic until she/he finds the right role to play and the dynamic settles back into place again. It is absolutely amazing to see how quickly a little baby starts playing out its role and, as years go by, becomes more and more adept at it.
The brain of a newborn baby functions in what we call a Delta state, with very low brainwaves. When we, as grownups, function in a Delta state, we are either in a deep sleep, or in a coma. It takes about two years for the brain to develop to the next level, the Theta state and now the brainwaves have increased somewhat. The Theta state is a perfect hypnotic space! Want to stop smoking? Arrive at a Theta state and you are in the correct mental environment for reprogramming the brain!
We need to reach the age of approximately six years before our brains are developed enough to function in an Alpha state—the normal state of our brain when we’re not stressed. Now we are able to start processing information logically, yet it still takes a further 16-18 years before our brains are fully developed!
That is a long time—indeed it represents about a quarter of our lives! What is the purpose of that? Can you see how it makes room for so many misunderstandings and misinterpretations, that our brain uses as preferences for the rest of our lives?
We are born so powerful, and yet so many believe we are victims, not able to find solutions to manifest the life we want. Just like I did for so many years of my life! Actually, there is a very simple explanation for this: our conscious mind constitutes no more than about 5% of our being; the remainder is governed by our subconscious and unconscious mind!
Now, what is our conscious mind all about? It is everything you’ve learned about life! From your parents, the role you play in your family, from your school, and how you function in a social group. It is how you have collated all those misinterpretations about yourself, your role in life, what is expected from you and how you convert it into the actions you take!
So, at the age of 18-20 years, still with an evolving brain, we are adults. We are expected to decide what to do with our lives. If we haven’t done so beforehand, it is time to decide on a career path—the choices we make now, will determine the rest of our lives! And what do we have as a grounding guidance? Again, all those misinterpretations and misunderstandings we put together before we started school… Sure, they are not conscious anymore, as they have turned into unconscious habits mostly—yet they are still very much active!
The result may be that the child of a doctor ends up becoming a doctor too, or the child of an accountant turns out to be an accountant, and so on… Is that the right choice for the child? Or is it just a choice made out of those assumptions derived from back when mum and dad where gods and the child decided to be just like them?
And how about when we start having children? As women we have already reached the peak of our fertility by the age of thirty! Is that a practical joke? We are able to bear children long before our brains are fully functional! What is the purpose of that?
We reach puberty when we’re still children; 10-12 years later our brains are fully developed; 5-7 years after that our ability to fall pregnant slowly starts to decrease, and by the time we reach the age of forty, we start to realize that life is about something more… Wouldn’t it be more practical to start having children now?
I believe in Universal intelligence! If we are going to evolve, we have to find our way out of all these misinterpretations, and the best way to do so, is to help each other; remind each other of that fact that what used to be the truth one generation ago is no longer so—and what is the truth in the moment will not be the truth a few years from now. New information continually provides us with increased understanding!
Now Guy, what can you share of your wisdom about this subject! Your profession is to help people who are ready to open up for those belief systems based in misinterpretations of life, so how can you lead us further?
It’s so true, Kari, that our lives are an endless series of theatre productions, the scripts or scores of which have remained unaltered throughout, and just like “Les Misérables” or “Cats”, our lives play out over and over again, without any altered interpretations.
One might argue that those have been hugely successful productions due the very fact that they have always stayed the same. Indeed this is true, because they found a winning formula that continually unleashes more and more of the same potential each successive year. The question that begs asking then is: Have you found that winning formula for tapping into your fullest potential?
Let’s explore this a little further, because it needs to be pointed out that whilst any successful theatre production company will usually run a full series of shows before moving on to the next, we human beings have a myriad of dramas or stories running concurrently, each awaiting their opportunities to curtail our path to success… Some are conscious, with the majority being unconscious, especially those that have been lurking about the longest! A recipe for success? I think not!
Thank you for sharing your childhood story with us, Kari, because it superbly illustrates the point I’m about to make: that these dramas exist in our language—and in ‘plain sight’ too! The four words that stood out for me when you related your story are: “I was to blame”… Now, whilst you are fortunate enough to have worked through most of your limiting patterns of behaviour, Kari, so many are (blissfully?) unaware that statements just like this come up for them in their language continuously—usually completely unrelated to the stories they originated from!
A simple statement like “I was to blame” manifests itself into all aspects of our life, so that what was originally an isolated assessment becomes a ‘story’ that we apply to almost any given situation where “blame” is cast. You set yourself up as ‘the one to blame’ each and every time… Just consider the possible implications over the years, in your personal life and relationships; in your work environment; socially—always taking the blame when things go wrong.
Why? Because as a little girl you wanted to make your father proud… The story had evolved, so that if there was drama, it was because you didn’t or couldn’t “fit in”—and so you took on a burden far greater than the assessment that sparked the story. You took the blame for everyone else’s problems, and just like you struggled and failed to fix that initial problem, so the story has compounded, such that, as a fully-grown woman with four children, you felt the need to hide from the world!
As I have said, thank goodness you realised what this ‘story’ was doing to you and broke the mould, Kari. For many though, these and other stories rule them for their entire lives!
Just a few weeks ago, I was discussing this very same issue with a friend, and I was astounded to experience the very same: Let’s say you’re at a social gathering and there’s a sudden hush. Your immediate thought is, “Did I say something amiss?” Or if the boss arrives in a foul mood, you think, “What did I do wrong?” Where does that little moment of doubt come from, do you think?
As wonderful, caring and loving my father was, he also had an element of impatience, which would often flare into anger. As a child he would get me to help him in his workshop (undoubtedly thinking that I could learn something new and useful) and whenever I didn’t do my task properly, which was usually holding something while he welded or screwed or hammered it together, he would become angry with me.
I would get so bored doing these tasks, and all I could think of was playing with my toy cars, or drawing pictures of spaceships! The result though, was that I always wanted to please him, and felt inadequate when I ‘let him down’ and he had to yell at me…
He would also try and teach me to play sport, which I was never interested in—kicking a soccer ball over and over again, yet never being able to do it right! My dad’s only intention was to give me a good, versatile grounding, yet I always felt like a failure. I grew up with the story, therefore, that: “I’m not good at anything” The assessment stuck with me like one of those nasty little burrs, for decades to come. Not only that—those damned burrs seemed to multiply!
Sure, I’ve had times when I was very successful, yet whenever that success developed a crack, my story kicked in, turned the crack into a fissure, and the success crumbled. And I would say to myself, “You see, Guy, you’re just not good enough…”
The same can be said for many of my relationships as a result of this one little story. I’d see a girl I really liked, but I wouldn’t dare talk to her for fear of rejection! And the story grew satellites—from thinking that I wasn’t good enough for her, I would add to the story with assumptions like: “she’ll think you’re too skinny” or “your ears are too big” or “surely she must think I’m ugly”.
As I mentioned earlier, all of this is as a result of just ONE story, ONE misinterpretation! There are countless others! I’ve referred to these ‘stories’ as Limiting Patterns of Behaviour or Barriers to Success, and this is precisely what they are! They prevent us every day from gaining perspective as to our potential.
What then transpires, is that our judgement becomes obstructed. We allow many opportunities to pass us by, simply because of all these limitations, telling us that we’re not capable. And our ego dilutes our thinking, telling us, “Oh that just wasn’t meant to be” or “I wouldn’t be able to do it justice”… Wow, what utter rubbish!
An interesting observation I’ve made speaks of the reason why I have, for some time now, maintained that my artwork dovetails (for me) so perfectly with my writing and coaching. One continually teaches me about the other—for example, the other day I was sketching a charcoal portrait. When I finally completed the drawing, I realised that I had overworked it, whereas there was a point about two thirds of the way through when it was perfect and I should have stopped. Even at that point I knew it, yet I continued…
The lesson this observation brought to mind is that our lives are very much the same, in that we tend to overdo things with our expectations and worries, leaving no space for new interpretations. It brings to mind the old adage that “less is more”.
As you said, Kari, what was true for us yesterday is not necessarily the truth today—and will most certainly be the truth for us tomorrow. The interpretations and assessments (along with their resulting stories) that are created during the Delta phase of our lives remain with us into our Alpha phase, and during the transition from Delta, through Theta and into Alpha, they grow in strength and impetus.
If we are not conscious of this evolutionary process, then there is nothing to make us stop, when these barriers arise, and reassess those misinterpretations that have resulted in a theatre of life less than what it should be!
So we should indeed perceive our lives as a theatre production, and a successful one at that—where we simplify the score, discarding what doesn’t work for us and establishing a recipe for success that makes full use of our boundless potential! Where, in your learned opinion, Kari, do we begin with this?
I honestly do believe that understanding this evolutionary process is the crucial to all of us as in terms of the knowledge and information we have today.
When I work with clients, I often use different texts that hold the right vibration according to what we’re working with and one of them was sounding in my head when I read what you wrote, Guy—it is about indifference and it goes like this:
“Express what you want— don’t underestimate what you have.” Hostility can never replace true enthusiasm. If you don’t like the manuscript of your life, write your own! Make yourself so entertaining that even you become delighted. You have, for to long, acted as an extra in another people’s plays. It’s about time you became the star of your own!
I love it every time this text comes up! Express what you want; don’t underestimate what you have… And maybe the best: Hostility can never replace true enthusiasm…
We are so used to it, aren’t we? All the times we tried to follow our dreams, or took one step aside from what was expected, only to meet hostility! We are okay as long as we follow the masses, yet it takes strength to do, often very much needed, as well as personal changes, especially if it interferes with other people’s interests.
Are you sure that what you believe you want, actually is so? We have been into this so many times, Guy—all the time, effort and energy we use in order to follow the plan we believe we have for life! Seek the right education (which, by the way, is often outdated knowledge by the time you start to practice it, as changes occur so quickly), follow a carrier and become successful.
Then I will ask you: who is the owner of your dream? Do you make choices in life according to what is expected of you? Is what you believe you want, really what YOU want?
Take a moment and ponder over this question… If all you do is judge the future by your past, how can you choose another direction in life, if you have no experience of it? We all have a past where we have been told what to believe and how to act, and we have taken that for granted. The only indication that it is not right is how you feel about it!
What about what you have? Do you underestimate that? What we have in life is so common to us that we tend to look at others and wish we had what they do. Those possessions, that status, those skills, that body, that popularity… Without realising that ‘they’ don’t have our possessions, our status, our skills or our popularity… What is it in your life that you don’t want?
What you have is what you’ve earned, through every action you’ve ever taken! Your actions are a reflection of your thoughts, which, by the way, begin at a cellular level, travel to the brain and are converted into thoughts and ideas, which then again drive you into action. Or not!
So all in all, it is you that has created everything you have in your life—that is how powerful you are! If you don’t like what’s in your life, then you possess all the power in the world to change it!
And here we stumble upon another challenge… As humans we don’t like it when things change! We know what we have; we do not know what we will receive, so let us stick to what we know! This is one of our biggest challenges, as our brain, the compass of our lives, goes into stress-mode as soon as we enter uncharted territory. Often we hold on to what we have for far too long—what once seemed so wonderful, ends up in tears.
So we try to rectify the situation… By using what? Our brain, limited by our past and what we learned from our childhood. Supported by whatever we have running in our blueprint; our DNA. It holds the information about absolutely everything that constitutes who and what you are, and whatever is there, will be your challenge and your potential.
I have mentioned before that as humans we have two (three) kinds of consciousness, the synaptic brain and the emotional body intelligence, with it’s old, inherited patterns, governed b they emotions attached to it. (The third one is spiritual, only active by choice.)
Of course the picture I paint here is very limited, but right now, let us explore further. It is a scientific fact that we inherit the strong feelings present in our ancestors’ lives. If your Grandmother was depressed, you might actually suffer from depression yourself. So, as we live in a world of duality, we may also inherit Grandmother’s strength! We have this amazing reservoir of abilities and possibilities in our genes and the only way to reach this reservoir is by going within. It is by being open to our thought patterns; how we speak to each other—and also about each other. If you were able to comprehend that every word you speak and every action you take would stay with you in your energy field forever, and be a part of your creation process, would you still speak and act as you do now?
Do you see yourself as your brain or as your body? Or perhaps both of them connected? Many of us are in the spiritual part of our existence. I believe that it is in the balanced interaction between body/mind/soul we find the real truth about ourselves. In that balance we find harmony, peace and the ability to continue on our path towards enlightenment!
Can you relate to the fact that you are energy, living in the form of a human being—an energy that is connected to the Universe in an immensely powerful way? If you are able to do that, you have a point of view that is totally different from those who see themselves as merely an intellectual brain! The computer in our head is so amazing, yet it is exactly that! It is open for programming and reprogramming our entire life and it gives you exactly what you want! If you don’t take responsibility for your life’s manuscript, then life is something that just happens to you—by coincidence…
Whether you believe you come back to live on Earth over and over or not, if you have children or are planning to have children, YOU will one day be the ancestor that affects the life manuscripts of future generations!
Isn’t that something! When, in your opinion, is it about time to change your inherited patterns and belief systems? Do you feel like a victim of the circumstances of your life? Do something about it, even if it scares you to death! There is nothing to be afraid of; it is only your brain going crazy because you have never tried it before! From your inner cellular structure to the power of nature and the entire Universe, everything supports change! And your brain is primed and ready to follow up, all it needs is new information—as what you experience today, will constitute your brain’s references tomorrow!
Speaking of experiences, Guy, PowaBase is all about that, isn’t it? A perfect opportunity to discover new references in a safe environment, which will change your life forever! What more can you tell us about the power of new experiences?
I love the way you refer to discovering “new references in a safe environment”, Kari, because really that’s what PowaBase is all about!
As you say, it’s extremely difficult for most people to realise that change is necessary, if not vital, in order to progress positively in life, towards a purpose of their own choosing. When all you currently believe has been largely prescribed by the circumstances and experiences in which you grew up, change is never going to be easy. In addition, because taking that great big step into the unknown is so daunting, you need to feel as secure as possible in order to make those choices.
As a Trainer, I do not know, and nor can I tell you what is right for you, because I am not you—the answers to your potential and possibilities lie within. PowaBase does not assume to possess a ‘secret formula’ that will work for everyone; this is not a claim that ANY transformational programme or workshop could possibly make!
What PowaBase does (with the guidance of the Trainer) is to present you with a series of processes that are designed to assist you in gaining a new series of perspectives (tools) with which to assess yourself, your Way of Being, and the manner in which you live your life. With these “new references” you begin to see the world differently, and in doing so, new possible choices emerge for you.
Much consideration is given to creating a ‘safe haven’ and a secure environment for all participants, and the optimum conditions are sought to facilitate new learning and new understanding. There is no religious or political bias whatsoever and your beliefs are not challenged in any way—except by you…
You spoke of a Universal energy earlier, Kari, and this in itself suggests togetherness. You’re right, we do need to help each other, but first, we should accept one another for the individuals that we are. This energy is almost palpable in the training room, and the bond of consciousness with which they all begin to resonate brings trainees from all walks of life together.
And so, by association, the Theatre of Life extends out, way beyond our personal world—even beyond our physical world, for that matter!
A friend of mine grew up on the Cape Flats, an area in Cape Town notorious for its gangs. He related to me how he used to converse with children in their early teens. Their ambition was to get into prison, because, as they saw it, in prison you gained status and respect! Can you believe it?
This friend had done extensive work in the maximum-security prison called Pollsmoor, talking to and helping some of the very worst cases of convicted rapists and murderers. He also spent time with the juvenile convicts, and was mortified by what he learned from these kids and the sheer depravity of what they perceived their future to be!
Most of these prisoners knew of only one way of life, and had no concept of what it might be like if they chose change. They knew that as soon as they were released, they would automatically slide back into their old ways, and within no time, would end up back in prison again… They knew also that they’d never be given a break. After all, when they get out, what do they have to go home to? Being on the streets amongst the people they knew was no different to being in prison—indeed some preferred the stability of prison life, with a bed to sleep in and regular meals.
Yes, you did gain status and respect, but as what, a murderer? As a rapist? As a drug dealer? Well, the only ‘status’ one gained was amongst fellow gangsters—the rest of your community despised you! Respect? This isn’t the kind of respect most of us might aspire to, but rather one based in mortal fear!
And as parents of these children I referred to—what chance do they have of getting their children onto a path of abundance, when they themselves are either implicated in crime, or had no choice but to submit to gang oppression? The future looks very bleak for the new generation!
So why did I relate this story to you, dear readers? I wanted to illustrate to you that your chances of choosing the life you want are exponentially greater than those of most of the people living in places like the Cape Flats. The fact that you are reading these conversations Kari and I share indicates that you have taken the first (major) step towards regaining your power! My friend happens to be one of those very rare people who have been aware of their power from an early age and managed to escape the clutches of such scarcity.
Is it not time to start observing the language that is the auditorium of your Theatre of Life? Every thought and every whisper is absorbed into the walls of this auditorium forever. Take a seat in that vast space for a while and listen to the thoughts arising from that language, and the moods and stories that develop as a result. You might just learn something new about the possible choices open to you…
As Kari has said, you have the full might of the Universe to support you in whatever it is that you choose, as long as you choose to choose!
When talking about the issue of blame earlier, I realised that this is something I’d like to follow through to our next conversation. We apportion blame, we accept blame, and we often use it as a form of escapism. So who’s to blame?