I love the story of Themba, Guy! It is a beautiful story and it tells us a great deal about human potential. We have so much support and strength within our core that is for us to use as soon as we stop being victims and what is outgrown, and create new beginnings!
So how do we do that?
How often have we heard that we need to think positively; that we need to alter the negativity in order to create a new and better life? It is so hard! It requires constant awareness, and the risk is that it will end as a huge stress factor…
The reason for the way we think and the way we act is indeed so subtle that it seems impossible to understand why it is there in the first place! To some degree we can recognize it in other family members, but that is not the complete answer, is it?
There is major concern about the youth in Norway right now. A decade ago, it was drugs and criminality that was the problem; now it is depression and burnout syndrome. What is that? The discussion goes high and it is based on the fact that we demand too much of our kids! But is that the whole picture?
We tell our youth that they can be—as well as accomplish—anything they want; that there is no limit as long as they work for it! But isn’t it so that we want them to work for it the old way, the way we did and with the same consciousness we had back when we were youths—before the Internet, before we were able to have conversations with people across the whole world, share our everyday life and disclose all the belief systems of other cultures and religions that we grew up with?
Aren’t we saying that you can choose whatever you want to, as long as you choose different shades of grey?
Could it be that today’s youth starts to see another world? A world where there is a spectrum of colour? All these kids grow up in families, with their own personal energy, based on experiences from the past, unconsciously going in circles.
When I was a kid, I was not allowed to speak ill of other people. I grew up in a small town where the majority worked in the industry. The salaries where low and many children grew up in families filled with drama.
My father was head of all the schools in our area and my mother was involved in charity work, so they knew more about these families than they wanted to tell me. So all they said was: “Never talk badly about anyone, as you never know the whole story!”
Later in my life I become a member of another family, where every single mistake other people made was good news! If a conversation didn’t include gossip, there was nothing to talk about at all, and that was very confusing for me…
To this day, I cannot bear to judge people for the mistakes they make—I am very grateful that my parents taught me that! I have made my share of mistakes; I know that it is so easy to make stupid choices with consequences you don’t expect! So who am I to judge? We live and we learn!
So, what is this? Two families, with two different energies, one supportive of those in need, the other focusing on people’s mistakes! Is that the whole picture?
Well, of course not! My family supported those in need, but forgot that there may be needs within their own family too. Those needs were not to be spoken of; they were hidden under the carpet.
My new family had experienced their share of drama and sorrow; they understood that life can be tough. They were very supportive of each other, and the bond between family members was very strong! If anyone inside the family needed anything, they were there for each other!
And myself? Well, I guess I needed the experience from both aspects of family consciousness in my journey through life!
You spoke about the roles we choose for ourselves when we grow up, Guy. We are born into this world with a lot of experiences in our genetic system, from our ancestors and from our previous lifetimes. Even if we can’t point out why it is so, it is as if we intuitively know how to act within the energy of our family. And as we grow older and life unfolds in front of us, it becomes clear that the conditions we were born into, and how we react to them, are what make us the person we are today.
Again and again we have spoken of how the first years of our lives is a period of programming the brain, programs that we use for the rest of our lives… If we look back in time, history has repeated itself over and over, and those old programmes were in fact useful throughout our lives.
This is no longer the case! The world changes so rapidly that we need to reprogram our brain every once in a while! The question is, what is it that causes us to reprogram?
The energy and consciousness of our family teaches us about how life works. It may be accurate and it may not, yet we respond to it anyway. We create our experiences and we make our assumptions; we take them into the world and we live the consequences… Take a look at your life today—it is as it is, because of the choices you made!
The patterns in your life are there based on what you were thinking when you grew up! The energy in the family; the role you took upon yourself; the consciousness of your family, and the level of support you had—all this is part of what you choose every single day!
It is like a contract; a starting point for growth. What you do with it is entirely up to you! You may hold on to that contract for as long as you live, or you may use it for all it is worth to gain higher consciousness.
There is a drawback when it comes to those choices we made, and that is our brain. It can only use what you already know… And our previous knowledge has different levels of energies, with fear being the strongest! That really limits us when it comes to choices, doesn’t it?
You asked how we might alter the energy in our DNA through the spoken word, Guy. By daring to confront those fears! By daring to go into our untapped reservoir of potential, and open up to the fact that every knot in our life is possible to untie again, when we start to be responsible for everything we do!
No one is to blame! Not your parents—no matter what they did to you! Not your siblings, and not your Grandparents! They may have given you challenges and many knots to loosen, but they are not to blame for the choices you make today.
And as you become more proficient at untying your knots, your thoughts, your words and your actions change accordingly—as it also increases the energy in your DNA.
It is not easy to change! It may take a whole lifetime, perhaps several… Our brain is impatient, as it knows it has limited time. You, on the other hand, are energy… You will get there—and every step counts!
Now, Guy, I know there are so many other stories like Themba’s, where people’s lives change completely when they open up to what they don’t know. How does this alter the consciousness and the energy in their families?
I believe you’ve hit the nail on the head, Kari, in drawing attention to the concept of time! We never seem to have enough of it, do we? Everything we do, every action we take, seems to be determined by the number of hours in a day…
We even use time as a reason for procrastination—to not have to do the things we fear, the unknown, such as adopting change.
In order to change, we need to expand our consciousness into what we don’t know, and for most people that’s far too daunting! One of the primary causes of dysfunction in any family is the incapacity to change, and this is always defined by the limitations of what we think we know.
As a child, and particularly as we progress through our teenage years and into early adulthood, we reckon we have all the answers; that we know it all… Most certainly, this is a necessary part of our self-development—our independence. Conversely, parents tend towards the belief (and yes I am generalising) that kids know nothing, and that they should rather listen to adults—so we sigh in exasperation at our children’s rebelliousness.
Unfortunately, this leads to family friction, which in many cases cannot be undone, even by the passage of time.
Why is it then, that ‘time’ is the issue? Well, for the most part, we live in third dimension superficiality, where time is everything and where our life experiences govern the manner in which we see the world. This means that we think according to what we experience, so our lives become a series of actions and reactions, whilst completely oblivious of the fact that all of what we do and who we are is affected by multiple dimensions, beyond our current level of consciousness. One of my pet phrases is that “we see the world the way we are, not the way it is”… In other words, every single human being on Earth sees the world differently from the next person—even identical twins each have their own unique experiences of life. And as we all see the world differently, so do we each have our own potential.
Yet what we don’t realise is that all of our true and full potential lies beyond what we know, where the concept of time has no relevance. This then leads me to your question, Kari, about opening up to what we don’t know and how it can effect a major difference to the dynamics of family consciousness.
We have discussed this in one of our early conversations, yet I feel it needs explaining once again, as it is extremely relevant to our current topic!
Firstly then, what constitutes ‘what we Know’? This is all the knowledge we have accrued since the day we were born, derived from our personal and individual experience of life. This also includes our particular domain of expertise—what we’re used to doing and being.
Then there is ‘what you Know that you Don’t Know’. This is all that you don’t know of, yet know how to gain more knowledge about. For example, you’re a doctor treating a patient for a condition outside of your immediate field of knowledge, so you need to research medical literature and journals in order to equip yourself with the correct method of diagnosis and treatment.
Alternatively, let’s say you’d like to learn to fly an aeroplane—you haven’t a clue as to what constitutes being a pilot, yet you know where to seek out the necessary information in order to enrol for a flying course.
We operate within these two spectrums of knowledge each and every day, knowing that what we don’t know can be found in 99% of the instances online… Believe it or not though, this is limiting and deceptive in its extent. Surely, with all of that knowledge at our fingertips, what more could there be?
If I told you, dear reader, that your fullest potential lies dormant and waiting in ‘what you Don’t Know that you Don’t Know’, you might say I’m crazy—and for all intents and purposes you may be quite correct! Humour me though for a moment and see if you can think of something that you ‘Don’t Know that you Don’t Know’…
Anything come to mind yet? No, I thought not…
This is because ‘what you Don’t Know that you Don’t Know’ does NOT EXIST for you right now! And yet it’s out there—in unimaginable abundance!
I like to use this as an analogy to give some perspective as to the extent of that abundance: If ‘what you Know’ were to constitute a single grain of sand, and ‘what you Know that you Don’t Know’ was represented by the amount of sand you could scoop up into your cupped hands, then ‘what you Don’t Know that you Don’t Know’ would possibly equate to all the grains of sand in the Sahara Desert…
And here’s another surprise for you—it’s all there in your DNA, just waiting to be accessed!
To illustrate what I’m talking about, I’ll use my personal experience of this as an example. Just a few years ago, I had absolutely no idea that such a vocation as a Transformational and Ontological Coach existed, yet here I am today as the very same!
In my domain of advertising, marketing, branding and design, where I spent a career of some twenty years, there was no reason for me to seek out something like that, and therefore, it did NOT EXIST to me at that time. Yet it was there and it was waiting for me!
I have yet to meet a single person who knows what an Ontological Coach does, or what Ontology is all about, yet for me, it has opened up a vast world of opportunity and potential! How is this possible?
Well, I had reached a point where I was desperately unhappy in my career, and wanted change—and the only way to do so was to open up to the possibility that there might be more to me than what I knew…
Socrates said: “The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing.”
When you contemplate that grain of sand, representing ‘what you Know’, amidst all the grains of sand in a desert, as being ‘what you Don’t Know that you Don’t Know’—do you not feel somewhat humbled into agreeing with Socrates? I leave that for you to decide…
As a family then, if parents were able to instil this wisdom into their children, would it not be fair to say that the level of consciousness and generative energy of the family as a unit would increase exponentially?
And if more and more families throughout the world were to adopt this simplistic thinking, would not the consciousness of mankind experience the same result? As you said, Kari, this might not be possible in a single lifetime, or indeed in many lifetimes, yet this is unimportant. What is important though, is that we begin to become more conscious, more observant of who we are, the world we live in, and the family we share our world with! The conduit to change is the willingness to surrender ‘what you Know’ and accept possibility and wonder, just as you did when you were a baby…
With this in mind, I would like, in our next conversation to discuss a subject we’ve touched upon in previous conversations—that of our Calling. What are we called forth in this world to BE?
(Artwork by Maria Rova)